I’m probably going to quit next week – I spent some time at work and you know those instances where you’re going to do something but the world ends up throwing little wrenches along the way.
This week, I was feeling emphatic towards my coworkers. I was feeling that they would be lost without me. There was instances were they seemed like they were going to be lost without me, or very grateful that I was working there. Today, one of my coworkers went even to say I was better than the lead dispatcher.
Of course, these feelings are just illusions because I know in my head that life will move on, like other things in life. People and things will adapt, just like some of the places I’ve left behind. I’m still going to quit, mind you, it’s just these instances make it…harder for me to bear down the bad news.
But as I make my way through this “game” I’m going with, it makes me wonder where I’ll end up this time around. I’m trying to play at my strengths and what I like which are…
- I like personal development, to push my limits.
- I lean towards the darker side of things (if we’re being honest here, which we always are, lol).
- I’m a heavy information utilizer.
- I use intuition & logic in my decision making.
- I enjoy being a performer.
#1 is nothing new, most practitioners are to an extent like this.
#2 as well, if you’ve read enough of my post can gather that I’m kinda cold in regards to certain things, even though I portray lightheartedness – when the chips are down, it’s all business.
#3 as well is not new, I consume information like it’s going out of business.
#4 is something I knew…but I never gave a name to I guess or never actually put it down officially as something I do.
#5 as well is like #4, something I knew but never gave a name to. The many instances where I did a “performance” to gain something is pretty numerous, lol. Even now, my persona as Mr Black is close to my real persona but there are differences. As well, my main goal is to become a rockstar so this is rather obvious in retrospect.
So with these 5 things in mind, I try to decide where I would end up as. (I also want to achieve some financial gains as well. Money is the easiest way to gain/achieve things in the world and it’s folly to think as a sorcerer not to utilize a tool something so readily available). I have a couple of ideas, some are realistic, some are just pushing the limits but an idea is an idea and the point here is to brainstorm…
- ROCKSTAR: My current goal at the moment. I actually love music, and love to play music, and all the things to concerns it. I don’t actually care for the fame but I won’t shy from it.
- TECH SECURITY CONSULTANT: Just something that plays along with my strengths and the potential for diversified paths is great.
- GUMSHOE: I’ve always wanted to be a detective, I think I’d be great at it – it’d be even better if it was like TV detectives, lots of fisticuffs and by the hair situations.
- CRIMINAL MASTERMIND: I’m not even joking about this. I’ve always thought I’d be a great criminal – more like “Inside Job” rather than the “Oceans 11”.
- MILITARY: Also something that plays w/ my strengths.
Any one of these “paths” I would be able to take, and while it may surprise you that I chose these as potential paths. All of these share the same kind of things, strength in mind, body & spirit. These paths can fulfill all the things my self wants and needs.
Realistically, the first 3 has the most potential to occur. I’m already doing #1 and the others, I’m planning to get a security & tech certification(s) soon so these things can easily redirect me to a certain path if certain variables get fulfilled. #5 is probably the most unlikely, since I like being close to my family to an extent. #4 is the the wild card here but to be honest, it’ll only take a pebble, the right opportunity, and a clear shot at the goal for this to happen. Let’s not forget, I was not an angel back then (nor am I now, lol).
It’s kinda nice to have had this written down, clears my brain up, organises my thought – these are the kind of truthful introspection that helps a person grow.
Even sometimes, writing about ourselves, to random people whom we’ve never met from the internet, we pressure ourselves towards a certain persona, a certain way of things, playing to the audience as one might say. Being this honest helps a person truly see what they’re made of, and what they need to do to advance if they want.
What shall I do today, what shall I doooooo?