FTW! Handling Things

It sucks to admit but my mental state is weak at certain things. I am a force to be reckoned with on certain things, and I have a hard time at actioning certain things.

For the most part, it’s when I have to do things that I am uncomfortable with; for example, work interviews. Just that initial phase of sending resume to employers, calling back potential employees – I swear to Jebus it took a cadre of spirits to get my ass moving.

I don’t like that, especially in the grand scope of things, it’s a trivial matter that I should be able to handle but there’s an error in my brain OS that causes me to glitch out on this.

I’m trying to think of other examples…..

  • This past weekend, we ended up going out for some bubble tea on a busy area of the city. I ended up parking in an area a little bit farther but I probably could’ve parked closer but the idea of it potentially discomforting to me (what if there was no parking and I’d have to find it, going back and forth) was enough for me not to do it.
  • Doing new things (places or people), it discomforts me that I am going to do something I have no info or control on.
  • Dealing with people I don’t want to deal with.
  • Etc.

Essentially, if it is something that discomforts me, or discomforts other people which in turn discomforts me – it will discomfort me enough to slack off or put me in an inactivity state. Mind you, it only takes a little push and I’m like a giant boulder rolling down a steep hill but nonetheless, it annoys me that I am this way.

Today, I was supposed to call back some potential employers, to confirm interview dates and times and job salaries, but I was slacking H A R D. I was going to start at 11:00, moved it to 13:00, and eventually procrastinated till 15:00…’ish. Before I even started at 15:00, I was just not gonna go through with it and “restart” anew at next week, making a lot of excuses for me along the way. I was full of “anxiety” (for a lack of a better term, I think that’s what I was feeling, I wasn’t sure about it) and my mind was fluffy and cloudy.

I was like WTF? Get yer ass moving f#%$t$rd!!!!!

I laid there, gathered my power, and started chanting to myself some words of encouragement. (think Nike slogan, over and over again, fuelled by magick).

I was starting to feel a little better, a little charged up, so I decided to pull out all the stops and bring out the nukes. I opened up the electronic copy of my grimoire from my cellphone and went to the NAP section. I did my normal routines and called up a cadre of them (Arzel, Nitika, Elubatel, Opiel, Patahyah and Iaoth) and I basically told them I want an easy job, close to my home, and pays well – I also asked Arzel to keep guiding me till we reach a conclusion.

I didn’t even finish closing my ritual yet when I got a call from an employer about a job offering and wanting to schedule me for an interview on Friday. I didn’t answer the phone during the ritual, I closed it and called back afterwards.

As soon as the conjurations were done, my mind was clearer, sharper, like a razor sharp katana. I called the potential employers I had on queue with gusto and confidence that will even make Agent 007 weak on his knees and prioritized the ones with the most potential and the ones that fills out my criteria.

With that said, 2 interviews – one tomorrow, one Friday, and one potential employer (the shift is overnight, 19:00 to 04:00 – to be fair, it meets all my criteria, I just didn’t specify a time frame, lol). My job interviews all meet the criteria I asked for; easy office job, close to my home, the pay range is $45k to 50k – most of it is in the morning, which is a bonus. I have a feeling I will end up taking one of them this week.

In conclusion

  • Was my magick efficient? Was it strategically planned and executed? Was all the recent modern magickal standards and guidelines followed? Hell NOOOO!! Was my magick effective? Was my magick performed in technical proficiency geared for success? I would like to think so.
  • In the end, you gotta do what you gotta do, results are the priority.
  • I have to think of a way to…bypass that “anxiety bug” that I have.
  • The entities of NAP love me for some unknown reason, even the big guy Elubatel. (NAP practitioners and SA lurkers know what I mean)
  • Still got it, lol.😛

Gotta dust out my office gear and print out my resume.

Brain Magick – Overheating

Since I started manually trying to “hack” certain processes my body performs, I’ve noticed that I’ve been over heating as of late. Every day, once a day, in different times, I would feel my bodys’ temperature go hot, for the lack of a better term.

I started to notice it when I started to get a headache more frequently, I thought it was due to me working out and some of my back muscles were sore, thus affecting my neck muscles, thus giving me a headache. It could be that I am getting a headache/migraine but why the sudden spike in occurrences? Maybe it is even time to stop smoking and the headaches are some sort of symptoms of a greater issue?

It could be one of the many reasons but why would my body go hot though? And why would an Advil alleviate it sometimes?

I’ve been trying to optimize my weight loss by magick’ing my body to go down to 15% body fat, while actually working out – trying to avoid crap food while I’m at it as well and drinking loads of water.

For the most part, it’s been working out pretty swell but the results are not something to scream about – it looks like I’m losing the weight the natural way, without any help of accelerators.

When this issue starts to happen though, I just lay down for a bit and pore exhale “heat” out of my body, especially around the brain area. I am trying to avoid using medicine as  much as possible since I don’t know the exact reasons of this issue.

Going forward, I will probably take more cold showers frequently and try to do some energy maintenance. Physically and magickally cool myself down but with that said, how does that affect my process hacking, should I just stop it anyways since the result/side effects is not even worth it?

Really wish they had those body tech augmentations right about now, lol.

When It Clicks

Last Friday, it finally “clicked” with me – it’s like the universe told me I’m ready to go, an internal timer counter counting down to the time when I am free to roam the world again.

It is a good feeling…

I applied to jobs left right and center, have a couple of interviews tomorrow – mentally I am strong again, ready to take on any challenge. There is still that issue of negative vibes I am exuding against a certain family member of mine but overall, I am in a good place.

It feels good to be in a place of power again, not hesitating, not doubting my self and my actions. No one wants to be run by a king who is not confident with what they are doing; that’s what I felt like before, a king without a sword.

Music has been flowing great again, ideas and determination are blooming. Etc, etc. Everything seems to be like covered in an Instagram filter that makes everything look rosy and great.

The things I need to do, the things I want to do, I need to build a solid foundation that will hold it together so having this inspiration to achieve stuff again is really a blessing.

It’s time to move on and get going again. I don’t know how far I’ll go this time around but I’m gonna make sure I’m going to have a heck of a time going at it.

Finding Chuck

I’ve been detailing my mundane events here as of late because sometimes, I feel that we tend to gloss over these kinds of things, try to make us bigger, make us some sort of superstar. I’m not into magick to make courses, or sell enchanted stuff, or for a publishing deal, or for money. I do what I can, I help others out if I can, I try to help myself most of the time though, lol.

I’m a pretty normal guy with that said, I like cars, movies, TV shows, guitars, woman, cars, etc – just a normal guy who likes to tinker with magick and see what makes it tick, what’s under the hood per se. Not to say that I didn’t receive certain predisposed gifts, especially on the physical and mental side of things but that’s really it; I’m pretty athletic for a big guy and I’m pretty smart for a smart ass, lol. I didn’t come from a rich family, nor am I wealthy at the moment – I’m just living, pay check by pay check as one would say.

Magick for me, is pretty entailed with my mundane life, if my mundane life is not working well, it affects my magickal practice. If my magickal practice if going off the wozzy, it affects my mundane life as well.

I was having a conversation with my sister, and the topic came up of our generation of “friends” who are in our out-outer circle, especially the males who are “Tauruses”. (Funny how we actually have a lot of them. Also why I don’t have alot of friends at the moment, lol. I don’t associate with them like I used to years ago)

For the most part, they are pretty lazy and does not live a fulfilled and a quality based lifestyle. They don’t know what they are doing, delusional about themselves, and have pretty crappy standards and morals. One guy is just at home, while his wife is at work, sleeping and not contributing. One guy cheated on his fiancee and got caught. One guy is a lazy bum who is selfish and does not know what he is doing.

My sister was defending me to her friend about it, she says not all Taurus are like that – me and her boss as an example.

It puts my life, and accomplishments into perspective, and even though I am in a career pivoting at the moment, I can honestly say I turned out way better than they did.

Don’t get me wrong, I am pretty lazy but I feel like it’s more so that I am not excited about alot of things, I am more effective with my energy allocation as one might say (lol) – but the key difference is that I have an “adult” mindset, (I’m still a kid in heart :P) I take responsibilities and I keep them. I guess I portray more of the positive aspects of Tauruses.

I also find it funny because all of the examples I mentioned above are die hard Catholics.

They do the routine, go to church, sing in the choir, altar men, youth and adult groups. In fact, that’s how we met them to begin with. These days though, there’s so much drama in that group(s) that I feel like I’m watching Melrose Place.

That’s probably one of the things that drove me away from Catholicism in general, the amount of hypocrisy with its’ practitioners (and to an effect, the subject of Church and its practices). So many examples of people just pretending to go to church for show, not actually practising the commandments or the scriptures taught.

If I stayed in the Catholic path, I could’ve been a priest by now. (But then, I wouldn’t discover that thing called “Rock And Roll” – Praise Satan *devil horns*)

To be fair, I didn’t know much about that God back then, just my observations in regards to their practitioners and the practices and my point of view is much better now. I feel that I have a better relationship with him. (I never understood why I had to go to church every weekend when I can just pray to God, since it is everywhere).

Lately, I’ve been harbouring some intense anger, alot of negative energies, and I’ve been trying to work on that, trying to diminish it. I’m ok with these types of negative energies, I think it’s healthy to have them but I felt like in this situation, it was consuming me. It’s a complicated scenario so I won’t go in to detail about it but with that said, I decided to pray to God about it.

The Our Father, The Hail Marys, The I Believe. I still remember all of it and to be honest, I still consider the Catholic system to be “holy” magick. If the shit hits the fan on something, the Catholic methodology is probably my go to “in case of emergency, break this out” fail safe method.

A couple of days has passed, and the anger has subsided, there’s a feeling of serenity around me now and I now wonder if I should devote some time in to this. If my “calling” is to work with “light” based entities and focus on that. Realign my whole system based off this “revelation”. (lol, see what I did there).

I thought about it and one of the things that stops me is I don’t want to be those guys who “found” God later in their life. (lol, I used to make fun of my old man about that and now, I’m gonna end up the same) Pragmatically, it just wouldn’t make sense for me to tie myself up like that.

To end this long winded word vomit, I will probably not change my system and path. I will incorporate some things but overall, it’s just some updating not a complete overhaul. I do plan on checking out some things here and there but mostly, it’s going to be an intuitive sort of personal journey and experience, not from the tinted view of the Catholic canon. I do appreciate the feelings I received and confirms the path I am on right now.

What goes around, comes around – right Chuck?!?

 

The Pyramid Of Development II

Going with what I wrote in my previous post, it doesn’t mean one should stop developing themselves – for me, I need direction and goals.

One of the barometers I use is Maslows Pyramid Of Needs, to see where I am at.

I like using this guideline because it makes sense to me, in mundane and magickal life. This guideline is not perfect, and there are outliers and extremes in each scenario but I like having guidelines to show my progression, like having an exp/lvl counter. (If I need lvl 55 to beat a certain boss, it would be nice to know how far I am from that level or if I reached it).

If I were to truthfully look at myself in comparison to the pyramid, I am not very complete nor balanced in that regard – my development is very widespread to say the least.

Level 5 (the bottom part of the pyramid) is pretty much fulfilled, maybe a better quality of it. Lack good sleep a lot of times. The sex can be better (?).

The sexual needs is an interesting topic to me personally since I like sex but I don’t feel the need to seek it, I would like to have it any time I want but if I can’t get it, I’m not going to go to bars and “hunt” women down. Is it because I’m older that my testosterone is lower? I don’t think so.

My current view is that I like the pleasure that it brings me but I am not a slave to it – some people are driven by money, some by sex, but not me. Am I past this carnal pleasures? No I don’t think so – maybe it’s that ol’ saying of who I am having it with. But to be honest, it’s not that I don’t go out and meet women, I guess I just haven’t found “that” one. (Not that I subscribe to that “true” love notion). Also, I think I am not ready to give everything of myself to that someone and I don’t think its’ right, or fair, for me to expect everything from someone while I can only give a half of me.

Level 4 is pretty much fulfilled as well except for a “real” job, which I am working on right now so that should be ok soon.

Level 3 I feel is where I am lacking alot. I do have a family and friends that I love dearly but I feel like I’m those types of people that needs multiple friends, the more friends I have – the better for me. Level 5 and 3 ties together with sexual intimacy and is something I will look at closely from now on. I actually feel that it would be better for me to find companions who are aligned with my mindset, rather than finding sexual partners, if I can find a woman who has all of that – that would be the best scenario but I have not found her yet.

Level 2 & Level 1 seems to be handled and is probably one of the levels where I can honestly say that I am doing well. I could work on softening my harbouring of prejudices but it’s not up to a point where it is unhealthy, certain things will get me riled up (1 at the moment which I am currently dealing with but it is hard as fluck) but I think I have it handled.

With all of that said, lol, I’m going to look for a job (I actually started, just paused to write this post). Need to benjamins so that I can work on the other things I want achieved.

Mental Edge

It might seem like I’ve stopped posting about sorcery stuff, and has taken more of a “mental” approach to my practice. Rest assured, I am still doing the magickal fun stuff but it is true, I have been refining and sharpening my mental acumen more and more. It’s not that I am phasing out sorcery, it’s more like it all starts from the mental effectiveness.

The sharper my mental game is, the sharper the rest of my game is.

If I am not making effective decisions and actions, then whatever action I choose to supplement it with, be it sorcery or mundane skills, won’t be achieving the maximum ratio of effectiveness I seek out. If my sorcery is not working at the moment, I could at least rely on my cleverness to get me out of jams. I wouldn’t need to do as much sorcery when just working it out would give me the solutions I need. I could react to real time information and control the situation better if my mental faculties is at full capacity, instead of relying on magick to give me hints of what’s to come, be more aggressive-reactive rather than passive-reactive. I could train my brain to work more effectively and actually actively start memorizing things that I need/use all the time, instead of storing useless facts randomly without a seeming factor/pattern at hand or “googling” things I should remember.

If my mental game is off, then the rest of my game is off.

So these days, I do alot of mental weight lifting – I try to control my thought flow, work on memorization, controlling my emotions, calibrating my brain to body sub processes, pattern recognition, neuro linguistic programming, etc etc.

Some of these skills, are up to date and just need some refreshers but some, like data memorization needs a bit of an overhaul.

For example, my brain likes to memorize facts about movies, bands, types of information, and work related info that I might need. I can recall things that happened weeks ago at work, I can get any movie in charade with the tiniest of hints but I can’t seem to remember birthdays, names of people, things that my sister “supposedly” had told me (the jury is still out if she’s off and thought she told me, or if I really am not listening, lol), lyrics to my bands songs.

I don’t understand why my brain will absorb those topics, and won’t absorb others. There are factors I’m sure but I would’ve thought my brain would prioritize things in my priority, I can understand not memorizing birthdays or names (‘cuz I don’t really care about those) but lyrics to my own songs.

So far I still don’t know how my brain chooses which data to store, I have ideas but nothing conclusive, just theories. I have been working on the data sifting and storing though and it has been working out for me.

One good result is that I have been trying to memorize the guitars pentatonic and associated extended scales for years now and it has not stuck to my head. With the techniques I’ve been using lately, I’ve managed to memorize all of it in 1 hour – I just need to work on muscle memory and transitioning in between scales.

To me, that kind of result is pretty amazing and damn cool, and is usable in all aspects of my life. I am going to work on memorizing lyrics to my songs, and the lyrics to songs I would like to cover. While doing that, I am also trying to calibrate my mind/body connection through the use of meditational techniques.

You have to train your body to get it to a certain level, you have to train your sorcery to achieve consistent results, you have to train your mental faculties to develop and evolve.

This is the kind of tools I try to amass to enrich my life for the better.

The Pyramid Of Development

I don’t know about you, but for me especially – I need certain things to feel “fulfilled” – I need to be constantly moving, on the go. If life and magick was a video game, I’d be that player who likes to customize their characters rather than actually play the game and I would be an “achievement” whore.

This kind of mindset by default conflicts with the eastern philosophies that I try to implement in my life, having to stop and not do anything, the old me can’t fathom to think why one would want to do that but the me of now appreciates the fact that I managed to get past that hurdle and get that thinking assimilated in my software.

Don’t get me wrong, my default setting is still to go but now I can see why I would need to stop and follow that rhythm, go more with the flow rather than trying to overpower it with brute force.

In those “stop” moments in my life, I tend to do some contemplating as well, see where I am at. I use alot of non-magickal techniques to figure out what I would like to do; be it psychology, motivational books, internet articles, real life examples and then I would use magick to supplement and reinforce them.

When I feel that “ache” in my soul, it’s kinda like the spidey sense, in regards that it is telling me that I am not doing something that is aligned with what I truly want. Before, I use to cover it up by purchasing things or blowing my mind senseless with drugs, booze, or woman.

I’m better at managing this issue by enriching my mind, body, and spirit with actions (not stuff) that fulfils it. The art of magick and personal development sates my mental needs, music soothes my spiritual hunger, and physically – sports has managed to tame the beast but I think I would need a little more extreme than that, something along combat training or survivalist adventures to really get that something – to push myself to the extreme.

If I do all 3 for at least an hour or so everyday, I feel that I have lived and had a fulfilling day.

Some might say, it’s seems like a low ceiling to try to reach, especially for someone who has potential to do better. Personally, I couldn’t care less about that – I need to work on myself and if this is the path I have to take, so be it. As well, if one is truly following their path, whose to say one can judge that path, especially with someones personal projections of self esteem.

You do you, and I do mine.