It sucks to admit but my mental state is weak at certain things. I am a force to be reckoned with on certain things, and I have a hard time at actioning certain things.
For the most part, it’s when I have to do things that I am uncomfortable with; for example, work interviews. Just that initial phase of sending resume to employers, calling back potential employees – I swear to Jebus it took a cadre of spirits to get my ass moving.
I don’t like that, especially in the grand scope of things, it’s a trivial matter that I should be able to handle but there’s an error in my brain OS that causes me to glitch out on this.
I’m trying to think of other examples…..
- This past weekend, we ended up going out for some bubble tea on a busy area of the city. I ended up parking in an area a little bit farther but I probably could’ve parked closer but the idea of it potentially discomforting to me (what if there was no parking and I’d have to find it, going back and forth) was enough for me not to do it.
- Doing new things (places or people), it discomforts me that I am going to do something I have no info or control on.
- Dealing with people I don’t want to deal with.
Essentially, if it is something that discomforts me, or discomforts other people which in turn discomforts me – it will discomfort me enough to slack off or put me in an inactivity state. Mind you, it only takes a little push and I’m like a giant boulder rolling down a steep hill but nonetheless, it annoys me that I am this way.
Today, I was supposed to call back some potential employers, to confirm interview dates and times and job salaries, but I was slacking H A R D. I was going to start at 11:00, moved it to 13:00, and eventually procrastinated till 15:00…’ish. Before I even started at 15:00, I was just not gonna go through with it and “restart” anew at next week, making a lot of excuses for me along the way. I was full of “anxiety” (for a lack of a better term, I think that’s what I was feeling, I wasn’t sure about it) and my mind was fluffy and cloudy.
I was like WTF? Get yer ass moving f#%$t$rd!!!!!
I laid there, gathered my power, and started chanting to myself some words of encouragement. (think Nike slogan, over and over again, fuelled by magick).
I was starting to feel a little better, a little charged up, so I decided to pull out all the stops and bring out the nukes. I opened up the electronic copy of my grimoire from my cellphone and went to the NAP section. I did my normal routines and called up a cadre of them (Arzel, Nitika, Elubatel, Opiel, Patahyah and Iaoth) and I basically told them I want an easy job, close to my home, and pays well – I also asked Arzel to keep guiding me till we reach a conclusion.
I didn’t even finish closing my ritual yet when I got a call from an employer about a job offering and wanting to schedule me for an interview on Friday. I didn’t answer the phone during the ritual, I closed it and called back afterwards.
As soon as the conjurations were done, my mind was clearer, sharper, like a razor sharp katana. I called the potential employers I had on queue with gusto and confidence that will even make Agent 007 weak on his knees and prioritized the ones with the most potential and the ones that fills out my criteria.
With that said, 2 interviews – one tomorrow, one Friday, and one potential employer (the shift is overnight, 19:00 to 04:00 – to be fair, it meets all my criteria, I just didn’t specify a time frame, lol). My job interviews all meet the criteria I asked for; easy office job, close to my home, the pay range is $45k to 50k – most of it is in the morning, which is a bonus. I have a feeling I will end up taking one of them this week.
- Was my magick efficient? Was it strategically planned and executed? Was all the recent modern magickal standards and guidelines followed? Hell NOOOO!! Was my magick effective? Was my magick performed in technical proficiency geared for success? I would like to think so.
- In the end, you gotta do what you gotta do, results are the priority.
- I have to think of a way to…bypass that “anxiety bug” that I have.
- The entities of NAP love me for some unknown reason, even the big guy Elubatel. (NAP practitioners and SA lurkers know what I mean)
- Still got it, lol.😛
Gotta dust out my office gear and print out my resume.