Finding Order In Chaos

Finding order in chaos, this has been my favorite line as of late – I think it’s from a Daoist philosopher. I just find that it has been a theme that I’ve been seeing as of late in regards to the materials I am sifting through, and the experiences I’ve been having.

Like I’ve been reading alot of personal development books, and one of the lessons that has been resounding with me is that of strengthening your strengths and finding your personal expression in whatever you do.

So for example, like in chess, my personal style is positional and simplification – getting the game past the opening and middlegame phase and into the endgame where my strengths are – along the way, I take advantage of whatever advantages I can get; be it being up a pawn, or having a better position.

In music as well, I tend to gravitate at being a power trio (a three piece band, guitar, bass, and drums). My songs are mostly melodic and they tend to play into the dynamics of the instruments and the songwriting itself. I don’t think I’m the next Slash, more so following the footsteps of John Frusciante (RHCP, I adore his guitar playing) or Hendrix, or Gallagher. Simple types of rock music that plays with impact and melody.

With my physical development as well, I’ve been working on lowering my weight down to 200 – 180 lbs. I’ve had some bumps along the way and I would like to be in a better position than where I am right now but I am still working at it, and I’ve been getting results.

Especially with physical development, there are so many things, so many variables your body faces to get to the level you want it to be. Hormones, muscle entropy, cycles, etc etc. So many variables your body can face or push through to get it to where you want it to be. It boggles the mind how people can even get through a diet to lose weight (Personally, I just count my calories, work out everyday at medium intensity, and eat cleaner – I think that covers what is mostly needed).

When I look at these “issues” I am currently working, I tend to notice the chaos of it all, and the way I try to sift through the patterns and information and find the gems that I need to get through what I need done. I simplify my techniques, I test it, and I execute  then I revise if necessary. We live in an age where there is so much information that the trouble is actually finding the good information and executing on them.

This Daoist saying has never rung truer than it has in this day and age, find that order in the chaos that is life.

Brain Magick – Optimization Ideas

I like to talk about the “romantic” altruistic side of magickal development in my blog but who doesn’t, and we should probably all strive for some semblance of that in our lives. However, I do like my sorcery and the practical side of magick.

It would be nice to be able to read peoples mind, influence them with a spoken sentence, make yourself disappear from their perception but to be honest, I am ok with working with what I’ve got, and improving and developing them through the help of magick. Besides, instead of trying to achieve those “cool” things, working on the things I’ve already got are actually more practical and will be able to help me to achieve certain things – the cool stuff can come in after.

Yesterday, I was inspired to create an “analytical” servitor, wanted to boost my processing speeds and optimize the way I am learning and applying myself. I was ready to perform my working when I realize something – why do I need to create a servitor when all I really need is to optimize my brain? After realizing that “duh” moment, I set on to plan what I want to achieve.

This is not something new, I’m always trying to optimize my brain for effectiveness. It’s a weird sense of feeling, I feel like I am part of my body but I am not part of my body – like a pilot whose cockpit is the brain, and I’m hacking away with what I’ve got, modifying and refining.

So a couple of ideas I would like to achieve in this endeavour;

  • Limiter Release: I’ve always heard that our body is capable of doing great feats of strength and that our brain has a “limiter” on it so that we are only using a low percentage of what we can do. I’ve also heard that our body is not able to handle the strain thus will incapacitate us in a great duration of a time to recover.

    Since I also employ strength training, (I am particularly weak at the moment, I need to get those numbers up, I’ve only gotten back to seriously training and at my strongest, I was only lifting 200+ lbs) I was thinking to train my body to be able to withstand around 400+ lbs of weight, maybe 500+lbs (the basic movements; deadlift, squat, bench, etc) and then release the limiter so that I can lift to 600+ lbs (I don’t know the percentage of that type of strength in comparison to my potential unlocked strength). I mainly want to achieve this so I can achieve an explosive force of strength.

    Limiter Release is such an interesting idea. I assume with the premise above, that it applies in our actual brains processing speeds as well, and that we are only doing a certain amount of speed to avoid wear and tear, over heating, etc. I imagine an unlocked brain similar to those “bullet” time moments we always seem to have in regards to near death experiences, or Action Man like analytical system.

  • Full Body Control: Full control of your bodies functions; from healing, to strengthening, etc. I’ve been toying with increasing my brains synapses to increasing my metabolic rate but the gist of it is that since the brain is the control hub, and gaining full control of this hub, which controls your bodily process consciously and subconsciously, you are able to control the many process our body does.

    The variable that I worry about when I do this, like for example, forcefully increasing the speed of digestion or increasing blood flow towards a certain part of the body or increase adrenaline, my lack of knowledge of biology and the fact that the body is working in synch as it is, I don’t know the type of side effects that can occur. For example, I was trying to speed up my digestion and I thought that digestion occurs due to the stomach acids and if I can increase the amount or potency, it will go faster – then I thought what kind of side effects would occur? Would my stomach lining be able to handle it, would I end up bursting my stomach?

  • Total Recall: Pretty straightforward. The ability to memorize everything, and be able to recall in full detail that memory.
  • Analytical Speed: Increase the way I analyse and process information.
  • Reptilian Brain: Give more control to this part of the brain. I tend to be too intellectual, and too inside of my brain at times and I would like to give more control to this part of the brain, especially on things I am not too comfortable with – like social events I am uncomfortable with, or dealing with aggression. I feel like my reptilian brain is in control during the times when I am in physical competition, and I don’t mind it that way – now to harness it for my advantage.

Now, these are all ideas and theories that I am working on and would like to achieve.

The science isn’t exactly exact and the magick part is going to be funky at most but I’ve had success though with increased healing, increased temporary strength, been able to grow hair on a certain spot – I’ve experienced that “clarity” or soft zone, as the sportys’ would say, numerous times.

Think of the possibilities.

Zepar Conjuration – Failure To Launch

So…..nothing happened w/ the request I asked Zepar to accomplish.

The practical side of me would just move on with another entity, maybe it just was not meant to be, maybe we weren’t compatible, the stars wasn’t aligned – but that was not was this endeavour was all about.

I have my theories on how magick work and how to affect it to achieve results in the microcosm and I wanted to explore and experiment and execute, the result was just the icing on the cake.

Now with the same principles I use in life, I have to review, analyze, refine, and try again.

So in review.

  • I only used Zepars word of power and seal, mainly energy work, no materia used.
  • I got confirmation that I contacted the correct entity, that results would happen within 2 weeks, and that no devotionary practice and offerings would be required.
  • No lust of result variable I found, to be honest. It was quite easy with this one. I wasn’t as vested as I thought I would’ve been.

What could’ve have happened that this didn’t go as planned?

  • I didn’t connect with the correct entity. My divination is pretty good, I would’ve gotten signs if that wasn’t the case.
  • I didn’t use the right amount of energy. Possible, I am planning to increase “potency”.
  • Materia is needed for a successful conjuration: Possible but I am hoping not. I’ve seen so many people succeed with minimal to no materia that it bunks that theory for me. Maybe it’s needed for “demonic” entities. Again, I’ve seen enough proof that people can achieve results so I am going with my former working theory.
  • The entity lied to me. Quite extremely possible and something that I’ve thought of, since it is in their nature. I didn’t want to come off all authoritarian in my rituals, I was hoping I didn’t need to pull that card but maybe I will.
  • Personal variables. Maybe I wasn’t focused enough. Maybe I was actually lusting for results more that what’ve I’ve noticed. I don’t think so though, I’ve been doing this for awhile now, I know when I am not in the game, I have better control of my mental faculties so I would know if I was lusting for results.
  • External variables. Maybe there was no way for me to achieve results. This could be the case on the extreme basis; like maybe my timing was off and she’s not even in the same country or dying but I haven’t heard of any of this, and if that was the case – Zepar shouldn’t have given me a time frame.
  • Spherical variables. Maybe I am biting more that I can chew. Historically, my success with seduction magick is not very good. For other people, I do ok but personal seduction magick, success is not something I can brag about – not like money magick per se. I’ve been failing at personal seduction magick since my high school conjuration of Aphrodite, lol.

The goal(s) is to be able to connect with entity with minimal ritual and materia, that’s why I chose to do this ritual this way, that’s the whole goal of my sorcery in general.

Heavily influenced by Hemetics (Bardon), Chaos Magick (Hine), Postmodern Magic, Demonaltry & Strategic Sorcery. That’s why I enjoy NAP so much, no materia needed; just connect and results occur.

So I am going to go at it again, what should I be doing to refine my next conjuration to increase my success ratio?

  1. I will be keeping the same motif; no materia, seal and words of power.
  2. I increasing the “potency” of the chthonic energies I weave when performing the conjuration.
  3. I will skip the divination confirmation part.
  4. I will perform the conjuration in the traditional cycle of repetition for a couple of days and wait for results.
  5. I might include the power of Lucifer in this run. I was hoping I didn’t have to work it this way but maybe in the initial runs, I should and eventually wean off when I have confirmation of success.

In regards to my weakness on this type of magick, I am a firm believer that any skill can be advanced as long as you are invested for success. So I understand that I might suck at this but it doesn’t mean I can’t get better at it. Just like I suck at astral projection, I will crawl and scratch my way to success, I just have to be smart about it. (lol, thank you “art of learning” for reinforcing this idea to me).

I am probably going to go for another run at it tonight, with the variables and revisions I have talked about in place.

Wish me luck.


Accelerated Development

I’ve been reading Josh Waitzkin – The Art of Learning recently.

If you don’t know who Josh is, he was the subject of the movie called “Searching For Bobby Fischer”. He was a child chess prodigy who turned away from the spotlight and instead turned his focus on becoming a tai chi push master and jujitsu master. He now teaches and consults with finance managers and sports athlete his methods and helps them achieve the results they want.

I’ve been reading his book, and some of Tim Ferris, well basically anything to do w/ accelerated learning – tips and tricks that will help me learn faster so I can utilize the skills quickly in real life. I wish there was the plugin like the Matrix where I can just download skills that I want to know but alas, that technology is still in the far, far future.

My own method of learning, I usually research a skill, reverse engineer and then practice by repetition. Then through real world application, I choose which techniques work for me and my advantage -I find it’s a very balanced approach; use my intuition to do the work and then carefully strategize which skills am I going to assimilate.

There’s a fine balance to learning though, we can just read books on theory and stuff but that just makes us an armchair practitioner – we actually need to DO the deeds to start having a sense of the material you are working with. One can read about the mechanics of shooting the perfect free throw shot but unless you already have complete mastery of your body; you will need to tinker with your stance and form, ingrain in your muscle memory the form and flow of the shot, adjust the power of your output, and feel the subtle way the ball leaves your fingers. Most people will have to do this a hundred of times to achieve some sort of proficiency unless you are gifted among men.

But I am always learning, and looking out for ways to hasten my development.

To me, what’s the point of mastering the skills you want and need when you are not in the position to enjoy it (i.e elderly, married, etc).

The now of me is that I have all the “free” time to achieve what I want, so I should go and get it. When I “settle” down, my time and devotion will be spent on that endeavour.

But for now, warp speed to my dreams.

Wishful Thinking

What if you can have any wish you want granted?

I want money.

I want to be famous.

I want to be immortal.

These are some of the kind of things people wish for, and on the surface, they are all meant to achieve happiness in general but really take a good look at it and really see where it is coming from.

For the most part, self interest plays a big factor on deciding these kinds of things.

I am obsessed with wealth.

I am jealous of anothers status in life.

I am in fear of death.

I look at my motivations in life and in magick; what are the things I am in to, what do I excel at and what drives me forward?

While I do think I have some motivations that I think are coming from a pure, non-ego driven standpoint (music, devotion to my family, life), there are other things – such as learning and becoming a sorcerer, that didn’t come from a “pure” standpoint.

I think its’ pretty telling that I chose to label myself a sorcerer, and not a magickian. In Bardons terminology, magickians are basically the light side and sorcerers are the dark side. Sorcerers are more fascinated with the microcosm, while Magickians work to achieve development in the macrocosm.

These days, it’s not as black and white as I portray, things rarely are this B&W in this world, and while I might have started off with that mindset, I feel like I’ve somewhat reached a certain balance with what I want. Goals and achievements might have changed throughout the years, but the main theme of my “wish” is still ever present and once known, alot of things that I do makes sense to those who it didn’t make sense to initially.

It’s a very pessimistic point of view but I think it’s a must for someone who is really devoted into achieving inner alchemy and peace with oneself. One must be able to look at their good side, and their bad sides and must be at peace with what they find.


Experiencing Resistance

I received some money from my tax refund, not the amount I was expecting but it was a good enough for some fun. Anyways, I needed to go to a bank teller and withdraw it first hand but it was such a hard fought battle…it took me finishing a cigarette to get it together and go.

Then my sister made a comment on how I don’t like doing these kind of things and it made me wonder, why was it so hard for me to get my ass out of the car and just go to the teller? She is probably one of the few people in the world, I can count them with one hand, that knows me that well so I trust her word when she makes a note on something.

Heck, I may like to procrastinate. I may like to indulge on carnal pleasures. I might even enjoy entertaining the idea of a couple of bad deeds here and there, and actually doing it, lol, but for the life of me – some things I have a hard time going for.

I’m not lazy, I know that. I’m not a traditionalist. I’m not a conservative (Well, I like some traditional and conservative ideas but it doesn’t mean I’m out to stop change, I adapt). I’d like to think I’m adaptable, flexible, light on the feet, a man of few words but plenty of action.

This made me contemplate on things that I don’t like doing or events that I avoid being at. Maybe I don’t like dealing with people? That’s possible but it’s not a very wide spread variable since I do deal with alot of people and I don’t run into that issue. Maybe I don’t like aggressiveness/confrontation? I don’t but I do, I’m pretty competitive and when I participate in sports, I can get pretty aggressive. etc etc.

I ran a couple of scenarios and while there are some correlations, I found that it’s not a specific one, just certain event specific issues.

Anyways, I couldn’t think of a certain trait/issue that I can work on to fix this so I decided to just work on a fix to the issue; I decided that whenever I feel that “anxiety” on doing something, I would mindfully just do the opposite of what I’m feeling.

So, if I hate going to recruiters to go for an interview? Guess what, I “love” going to recruiters for interviews. If I do not want to play through a video game event since it’s boring, guess what – I’m gonna do it. If the girls ask me to go to the club with them even though I dislike going to one (because it’s boring, and it’s not like people are actually dancing, they’re just grinding at each other – public foreplay is more like it), this one is going to be rough but I’m going…and I’m not even gonna be smoking most of the time.

Lol, I’m gonna break this bad habit, or break myself.:) Works both ways I suppose.

Elemental King Conjuration – Djinn

I already decided that I was going to work with the elemental kings more to elevate and expand my knowledge on elemental magick.

There isn’t alot of writings in the interwebs in regards to working with them, just tidbits of general notes regarding them but no field reports or discussions, so research on them was quick but not alot of details to work with.

I chose to work primarily with their seals, a pre made rite I found which I trimmed down to a couple of sentences and vocalization of their names.

I started the ritual, gathered energy and executed my zone rite.

[SIDENOTE: My zone rite is pretty flexible so I can gather and accumulate different types of magickal forces just from that one module; I just change the symbolism here and there and it works great. Quite proud of it, lol.]

So with the zone rite, I focused more on accumulating and gathering the fire element till I was satisfied with what I feel. I stumbled through the rite, I will probably edit it to a custom one I will write as I did not like how it flowed out. You would think I would’ve done some sort of pre-check but to be honest, I thought it was ok when I was reading through it but when I was actually executing it – it just was not right.

I vocalised his name and visualized his seal on fire and within a couple of seconds, my vision was filled with fiery waves, there was images that I couldn’t understand or see past the fire. There seemed to be alot happening but not alot as well. It was very interesting; the feeling that I got, even though I couldn’t figure out what I was “seeing”, I felt neutral chaos rather than chaotic evil.

I did my acknowledgement ritual and dispelled my zone to end the night.

A couple of things I wanted to work on the next time I do the conjuration;

  • Energy flow was not that good. It kept going up and down, it felt like I needed to work harder to control the energies. I just finished a rough workout and my diet was probably out of whack due to eating crappy food that day but I wasn’t very solid with the energy work.
  • The rite was awkward, I’ll probably rewrite the rites that I have currently.
  • Vocalization was not that good either.

I feel like I need to restore myself with another ritual, a proper one. I just didn’t feel that it was up to par, even though I tried very hard, it still came out half assed.

I’m not sorry that it came out this way, but I am disappointed it happened that way. It’s like being a celebrity to meet your number #1, only to be underwhelmed and disappointed.