So my self imposed vacation is going to be done soon. My birthday is coming up and I’ve managed to get a bunch of stuff done in my absence in the workforce. As much as I would love to stay like this, I need to get back to earning those benjamins, lol – I want a new drumset. 😛
I’m planning to go do a minimalist “bushcrafting” for a weekend, just looking for spots where I don’t have to go far out of the city but far enough from the city, and traffic, so I can have some peace of mind. I’m just looking for foresty spots where I can hide out, lol.
Anyways, I started looking at jobs at the market; what am I qualified for and what I am over qualified for. I would love to start at the bottom again but my resume is looking to qualified – over the decade and the half of being in the machine, I excelled at it. Started as a cashier, became a supervisor; started as a cook, became a shift manager, started in data entry, became a manager, warehouse person to logistics coordinator to operations manager.
You get the idea, I’m the typical over achiever.
A decade and a half of that and I would really just want a relaxing 9 to 5 job. In retrospect, it was very mentally and physically taxing to some extent, to do these managerial jobs day in and day out. My last gig, I was dreading every day thinking what kind of fuckupness will happen that day, what kind of lie would I need to produce to smoothen things out, who is gonna try to give me flack so in turn, I can scream at them, etc etc.
So I look at the jobs I want, and the jobs that I an qualified for, and how far they are from where I live (I’m not willing to trek far for a job) – these are the variables I look at but when I look at jobs that I think are “beneath” me, I get a sense of anxiety and dread.
I don’t actually feel that there are jobs beneath me nor do I believe I feel entitled to judge a person by their occupation, that I think I am higher than them, we do what we can with what we have – it’s my ego, it thinks that I should be working in a higher station since I’ve already reached that height and I shouldn’t go lower anymore, as well the money is pretty low in comparison to what my standard has been as of late ($35+ an hour down to $12ish).
Well, the thing is, when I look at those high end jobs, I also feel that anxiety and dread. The mind and body remembers all the pain and crap I had to go through during those tenures.
So in conclusion, I am confused as to how I should go about it?
Now that I wrote this all down, and somewhat has a coherent sense of what I am thinking – I now feel it is stupid that I am even going through those motions.
First off, there is no guarantee that I’ll get the job. Secondly, I always start at the bottom and work my way to the top.
Keep It Simple Stupid, and remember how you get by in life anyways, charge in recklessly.
It hasn’t failed you yet!