The Pyramid Of Development

I don’t know about you, but for me especially – I need certain things to feel “fulfilled” – I need to be constantly moving, on the go. If life and magick was a video game, I’d be that player who likes to customize their characters rather than actually play the game and I would be an “achievement” whore.

This kind of mindset by default conflicts with the eastern philosophies that I try to implement in my life, having to stop and not do anything, the old me can’t fathom to think why one would want to do that but the me of now appreciates the fact that I managed to get past that hurdle and get that thinking assimilated in my software.

Don’t get me wrong, my default setting is still to go but now I can see why I would need to stop and follow that rhythm, go more with the flow rather than trying to overpower it with brute force.

In those “stop” moments in my life, I tend to do some contemplating as well, see where I am at. I use alot of non-magickal techniques to figure out what I would like to do; be it psychology, motivational books, internet articles, real life examples and then I would use magick to supplement and reinforce them.

When I feel that “ache” in my soul, it’s kinda like the spidey sense, in regards that it is telling me that I am not doing something that is aligned with what I truly want. Before, I use to cover it up by purchasing things or blowing my mind senseless with drugs, booze, or woman.

I’m better at managing this issue by enriching my mind, body, and spirit with actions (not stuff) that fulfils it. The art of magick and personal development sates my mental needs, music soothes my spiritual hunger, and physically – sports has managed to tame the beast but I think I would need a little more extreme than that, something along combat training or survivalist adventures to really get that something – to push myself to the extreme.

If I do all 3 for at least an hour or so everyday, I feel that I have lived and had a fulfilling day.

Some might say, it’s seems like a low ceiling to try to reach, especially for someone who has potential to do better. Personally, I couldn’t care less about that – I need to work on myself and if this is the path I have to take, so be it. As well, if one is truly following their path, whose to say one can judge that path, especially with someones personal projections of self esteem.

You do you, and I do mine.


Its My Birthday And Ill Cry If I Want To

I celebrated my birthday yesterday and it was fun; I spent time with the family, had dinner, had the cake and ate it too.

After it was all said and done, I grabbed some me time for me, and had a cigarette, a beer and smoked some greens. I sat in my front porch and drank while looking up at the stars and just sat there, not really contemplating, not really meditating, not really up to anything, just sat there and be myself – the purest form of my “self” I guess.

Not the one who is the eldest of the family, not the unofficial head of the family, not the son, not the brother, not the lover, not the intellect, the joker, the fighter, the punisher, the eccentric, the daredevil, the fanatic, the world dominator, not the self proclaimed king, the musician, the philosopher, the scientist, not the lone wolf, not the sorcerer.

Just sat there…..and just be me.

We all have our burdens to face, we all have to wear a type of mask for certain occasions – maybe it’s for our own protection, maybe it just needs to be done.

Once, there was this girl who wanted to have a relationship with me, and I had to explain to her that the me you are seeing is not the real me, the real me is far away, hidden from curious eyes, that the me you are seeing is a mask that I wear because of the circumstances that we are in; it’s not her fault or my fault, it’s just the way it is and that she will only see me in that aspect.

To an extent, it ties in to the idea of free will; how can one really have free will to choose and decide when their decisions are based off the past; things you have learned or experienced. Can one really break off from the chains of their past?

I remember my birthdays past, spent in clubs, bars, friends, people, random hookups and cheap motels. I remember the recent ones, surrounded by family. While I do remember all the fun things that happened, I cannot remember having a single instance once where I stopped and just asked myself,

“Hey you, how’s it going?”

Life this, do that, work on this, drink there, find her, have fun, type this, look there, etc etc. We all have things to do, I know, but we should all take a day and stop, and ask ourselves that question.

For Those About To Rock

Brother Moloch & Jason Miller recently uploaded blog posts that touched upon materia (tools) and their use in the magickal community, and how some practitioners seem to misinterpret their proper use.

I use them whenever I feel like but my practice isn’t tied their usage, I can do any spell in my repertoire with or without them. In my practice though, my goal is to completely get rid of the usage of materia (and other “correspondences” we tend to use to direct and aid our magicks), while still maintaining a high rate of success and effectiveness, and be able to translate the success to someone else.

Personally, I am not interested in the discussion of why or why not use materia in magick – the effectiveness of spell should decide what kind of resources should be put in play. I’m more concern as to the hows’ and whys’ of the discussion; Why does materia increase rate of success? If it actually does or is it some sort of placebo effect? How come some techniques do not need materia while some does? Is this subjective or is there a pattern we are missing?

These are the kind of ideas I think about because while magick is a very avante sort of thinking and understanding, patterns should still somewhat emerge, there’s a line of understanding one can discern and understand during this journey. For example, the saying “magick will follow the route of less resistance” seems to be something that is very accurate – not just for me but for other practitioners as well.

Am I saying I transcended the usage of tools and materia? Lol, I don’t think so. Am I saying that I practised and refined a couple of techniques with success and somewhat advanced them past their normal level of proficiency (sans materia)? I could agree with that sentiment.

There is a place for materia usage, especially in the initial aspects of a technique or working, the chances of success raises in a higher percentage than performing the technique without materia. Until we can sort out the many variables that affect a working and figure out the “definite” rules we should be going by, we should use whatever advantages we can, especially if you are trying to achieve success.

Finding Order In Chaos

Finding order in chaos, this has been my favorite line as of late – I think it’s from a Daoist philosopher. I just find that it has been a theme that I’ve been seeing as of late in regards to the materials I am sifting through, and the experiences I’ve been having.

Like I’ve been reading alot of personal development books, and one of the lessons that has been resounding with me is that of strengthening your strengths and finding your personal expression in whatever you do.

So for example, like in chess, my personal style is positional and simplification – getting the game past the opening and middlegame phase and into the endgame where my strengths are – along the way, I take advantage of whatever advantages I can get; be it being up a pawn, or having a better position.

In music as well, I tend to gravitate at being a power trio (a three piece band, guitar, bass, and drums). My songs are mostly melodic and they tend to play into the dynamics of the instruments and the songwriting itself. I don’t think I’m the next Slash, more so following the footsteps of John Frusciante (RHCP, I adore his guitar playing) or Hendrix, or Gallagher. Simple types of rock music that plays with impact and melody.

With my physical development as well, I’ve been working on lowering my weight down to 200 – 180 lbs. I’ve had some bumps along the way and I would like to be in a better position than where I am right now but I am still working at it, and I’ve been getting results.

Especially with physical development, there are so many things, so many variables your body faces to get to the level you want it to be. Hormones, muscle entropy, cycles, etc etc. So many variables your body can face or push through to get it to where you want it to be. It boggles the mind how people can even get through a diet to lose weight (Personally, I just count my calories, work out everyday at medium intensity, and eat cleaner – I think that covers what is mostly needed).

When I look at these “issues” I am currently working, I tend to notice the chaos of it all, and the way I try to sift through the patterns and information and find the gems that I need to get through what I need done. I simplify my techniques, I test it, and I execute  then I revise if necessary. We live in an age where there is so much information that the trouble is actually finding the good information and executing on them.

This Daoist saying has never rung truer than it has in this day and age, find that order in the chaos that is life.

Teaching An Old Dog New Tricks

So my self imposed vacation is going to be done soon. My birthday is coming up and I’ve managed to get a bunch of stuff done in my absence in the workforce. As much as I would love to stay like this, I need to get back to earning those benjamins, lol – I want a new drumset.😛

I’m planning to go do a minimalist “bushcrafting” for a weekend, just looking for spots where I don’t have to go far out of the city but far enough from the city, and traffic, so I can have some peace of mind. I’m just looking for foresty spots where I can hide out, lol.

Anyways, I started looking at jobs at the market; what am I qualified for and what I am over qualified for. I would love to start at the bottom again but my resume is looking to qualified – over the decade and the half of being in the machine, I excelled at it. Started as a cashier, became a supervisor; started as a cook, became a shift manager, started in data entry, became a manager, warehouse person to logistics coordinator to operations manager.

You get the idea, I’m the typical over achiever.

A decade and a half of that and I would really just want a relaxing 9 to 5 job. In retrospect, it was very mentally and physically taxing to some extent, to do these managerial jobs day in and day out. My last gig, I was dreading every day thinking what kind of fuckupness will happen that day, what kind of lie would I need to produce to smoothen things out, who is gonna try to give me flack so in turn, I can scream at them, etc etc.

So I look at the jobs I want, and the jobs that I an qualified for, and how far they are from where I live (I’m not willing to trek far for a job) – these are the variables I look at but when I look at jobs that I think are “beneath” me, I get a sense of anxiety and dread.

I don’t actually feel that there are jobs beneath me nor do I believe I feel entitled to judge a person by their occupation, that I think I am higher than them, we do what we can with what we have – it’s my ego, it thinks that I should be working in a higher station since I’ve already reached that height and I shouldn’t go lower anymore, as well the money is pretty low in comparison to what my standard has been as of late ($35+ an hour down to $12ish).

Well, the thing is, when I look at those high end jobs, I also feel that anxiety and dread. The mind and body remembers all the pain and crap I had to go through during those tenures.

So in conclusion, I am confused as to how I should go about it?

Now that I wrote this all down, and somewhat has a coherent sense of what I am thinking – I now feel it is stupid that I am even going through those motions.

First off, there is no guarantee that I’ll get the job. Secondly, I always start at the bottom and work my way to the top.

Keep It Simple Stupid, and remember how you get by in life anyways, charge in recklessly.

It hasn’t failed you yet!

Brain Magick – Optimization Ideas

I like to talk about the “romantic” altruistic side of magickal development in my blog but who doesn’t, and we should probably all strive for some semblance of that in our lives. However, I do like my sorcery and the practical side of magick.

It would be nice to be able to read peoples mind, influence them with a spoken sentence, make yourself disappear from their perception but to be honest, I am ok with working with what I’ve got, and improving and developing them through the help of magick. Besides, instead of trying to achieve those “cool” things, working on the things I’ve already got are actually more practical and will be able to help me to achieve certain things – the cool stuff can come in after.

Yesterday, I was inspired to create an “analytical” servitor, wanted to boost my processing speeds and optimize the way I am learning and applying myself. I was ready to perform my working when I realize something – why do I need to create a servitor when all I really need is to optimize my brain? After realizing that “duh” moment, I set on to plan what I want to achieve.

This is not something new, I’m always trying to optimize my brain for effectiveness. It’s a weird sense of feeling, I feel like I am part of my body but I am not part of my body – like a pilot whose cockpit is the brain, and I’m hacking away with what I’ve got, modifying and refining.

So a couple of ideas I would like to achieve in this endeavour;

  • Limiter Release: I’ve always heard that our body is capable of doing great feats of strength and that our brain has a “limiter” on it so that we are only using a low percentage of what we can do. I’ve also heard that our body is not able to handle the strain thus will incapacitate us in a great duration of a time to recover.Since I also employ strength training, (I am particularly weak at the moment, I need to get those numbers up, I’ve only gotten back to seriously training and at my strongest, I was only lifting 200+ lbs) I was thinking to train my body to be able to withstand around 400+ lbs of weight, maybe 500+lbs (the basic movements; deadlift, squat, bench, etc) and then release the limiter so that I can lift to 600+ lbs (I don’t know the percentage of that type of strength in comparison to my potential unlocked strength). I mainly want to achieve this so I can achieve an explosive force of strength.

    Limiter Release is such an interesting idea. I assume with the premise above, that it applies in our actual brains processing speeds as well, and that we are only doing a certain amount of speed to avoid wear and tear, over heating, etc. I imagine an unlocked brain similar to those “bullet” time moments we always seem to have in regards to near death experiences, or Action Man like analytical system.

  • Full Body Control: Full control of your bodies functions; from healing, to strengthening, etc. I’ve been toying with increasing my brains synapses to increasing my metabolic rate but the gist of it is that since the brain is the control hub, and gaining full control of this hub, which controls your bodily process consciously and subconsciously, you are able to control the many process our body does.The variable that I worry about when I do this, like for example, forcefully increasing the speed of digestion or increasing blood flow towards a certain part of the body or increase adrenaline, my lack of knowledge of biology and the fact that the body is working in synch as it is, I don’t know the type of side effects that can occur. For example, I was trying to speed up my digestion and I thought that digestion occurs due to the stomach acids and if I can increase the amount or potency, it will go faster – then I thought what kind of side effects would occur? Would my stomach lining be able to handle it, would I end up bursting my stomach?
  • Total Recall: Pretty straightforward. The ability to memorize everything, and be able to recall in full detail that memory.
  • Analytical Speed: Increase the way I analyse and process information.
  • Reptilian Brain: Give more control to this part of the brain. I tend to be too intellectual, and too inside of my brain at times and I would like to give more control to this part of the brain, especially on things I am not too comfortable with – like social events I am uncomfortable with, or dealing with aggression. I feel like my reptilian brain is in control during the times when I am in physical competition, and I don’t mind it that way – now to harness it for my advantage.

Now, these are all ideas and theories that I am working on and would like to achieve.

The science isn’t exactly exact and the magick part is going to be funky at most but I’ve had success though with increased healing, increased temporary strength, been able to grow hair on a certain spot – I’ve experienced that “clarity” or soft zone, as the sportys’ would say, numerous times.

Think of the possibilities.

Zepar Conjuration – Failure To Launch

So…..nothing happened w/ the request I asked Zepar to accomplish.

The practical side of me would just move on with another entity, maybe it just was not meant to be, maybe we weren’t compatible, the stars wasn’t aligned – but that was not was this endeavour was all about.

I have my theories on how magick work and how to affect it to achieve results in the microcosm and I wanted to explore and experiment and execute, the result was just the icing on the cake.

Now with the same principles I use in life, I have to review, analyze, refine, and try again.

So in review.

  • I only used Zepars word of power and seal, mainly energy work, no materia used.
  • I got confirmation that I contacted the correct entity, that results would happen within 2 weeks, and that no devotionary practice and offerings would be required.
  • No lust of result variable I found, to be honest. It was quite easy with this one. I wasn’t as vested as I thought I would’ve been.

What could’ve have happened that this didn’t go as planned?

  • I didn’t connect with the correct entity. My divination is pretty good, I would’ve gotten signs if that wasn’t the case.
  • I didn’t use the right amount of energy. Possible, I am planning to increase “potency”.
  • Materia is needed for a successful conjuration: Possible but I am hoping not. I’ve seen so many people succeed with minimal to no materia that it bunks that theory for me. Maybe it’s needed for “demonic” entities. Again, I’ve seen enough proof that people can achieve results so I am going with my former working theory.
  • The entity lied to me. Quite extremely possible and something that I’ve thought of, since it is in their nature. I didn’t want to come off all authoritarian in my rituals, I was hoping I didn’t need to pull that card but maybe I will.
  • Personal variables. Maybe I wasn’t focused enough. Maybe I was actually lusting for results more that what’ve I’ve noticed. I don’t think so though, I’ve been doing this for awhile now, I know when I am not in the game, I have better control of my mental faculties so I would know if I was lusting for results.
  • External variables. Maybe there was no way for me to achieve results. This could be the case on the extreme basis; like maybe my timing was off and she’s not even in the same country or dying but I haven’t heard of any of this, and if that was the case – Zepar shouldn’t have given me a time frame.
  • Spherical variables. Maybe I am biting more that I can chew. Historically, my success with seduction magick is not very good. For other people, I do ok but personal seduction magick, success is not something I can brag about – not like money magick per se. I’ve been failing at personal seduction magick since my high school conjuration of Aphrodite, lol.

The goal(s) is to be able to connect with entity with minimal ritual and materia, that’s why I chose to do this ritual this way, that’s the whole goal of my sorcery in general.

Heavily influenced by Hemetics (Bardon), Chaos Magick (Hine), Postmodern Magic, Demonaltry & Strategic Sorcery. That’s why I enjoy NAP so much, no materia needed; just connect and results occur.

So I am going to go at it again, what should I be doing to refine my next conjuration to increase my success ratio?

  1. I will be keeping the same motif; no materia, seal and words of power.
  2. I increasing the “potency” of the chthonic energies I weave when performing the conjuration.
  3. I will skip the divination confirmation part.
  4. I will perform the conjuration in the traditional cycle of repetition for a couple of days and wait for results.
  5. I might include the power of Lucifer in this run. I was hoping I didn’t have to work it this way but maybe in the initial runs, I should and eventually wean off when I have confirmation of success.

In regards to my weakness on this type of magick, I am a firm believer that any skill can be advanced as long as you are invested for success. So I understand that I might suck at this but it doesn’t mean I can’t get better at it. Just like I suck at astral projection, I will crawl and scratch my way to success, I just have to be smart about it. (lol, thank you “art of learning” for reinforcing this idea to me).

I am probably going to go for another run at it tonight, with the variables and revisions I have talked about in place.

Wish me luck.