Devotion

I was watching the UFC fight yesterday and Conor successfully gained a 2nd belt in a different division, he is the first person to have done this in the UFC and it was historical.

In the post fight conference, he was asked the normal questions but on one of the questions, he responded with sentiments that is resounding w/ me at the moment.

Basically, he was describing the fight and he went on to describe how he’d seen himself already winning beforehand, so vividly, that he wasn’t surprised that he won. I just finished reading “The Miracle Morning” as well and one of the techniques they’ve described to ingrain in ones morning as a habit is…

Visualisation.

TBH, vision boards, visualisation, etc etc – it all boils down to one thing, Devotion to your True Will.

I admit, I’m like this as well, weak on this side of things – I don’t know if it was ageing or just life but I don’t practice this enough, I don’t even daydream about things anymore. I know what I want, and how I’m going to go about it but to me, what Conor described – is that next level of hunger one needs to really, truly, achieve something great.

So I’m going to start this practice everyday, I mean if a muggle can do something great w/ just that – think of what a sorcerer could do, back w/ actual power to boot.

Riding The Wind

I think the picture above represents the tight act I’ve playing through right now….

So a couple of things are going down at the moment;

I sent my resignation letter this week and my boss is desperately trying to make me stay, wants to give me more money, etc – trying to sell it hard as to why I should stay working for him.

[SIDENOTE: My boss was trying to explain to me, in his salesman way, that work is like chess and blah blah blah – which I found funny ‘cuz I actually play chess and that I’m actually playing chess with him and he doesn’t know that he’s already checkmated in 5 moves.]

TBH, there’s a couple of things about work that I don’t like – it’s messy, unorganised, inconsistent, dull unproductive work, my boss is more of a salesman than a boss, workers are inconsistent, I’m the last line of defence but if I fail -no one is there to catch my fall, high turnover rates, low motivation, poor equipment management, poor work environment.

Also, I’m moving forward and if I am to be fair, it’s not fair for them that I should be working there when I can only give the 50% of me. The type of person they need, they need someone who is 100% dedicated and that is not me anymore, I do not give a flying F lol. The person they want, I can’t give because I have my sights elsewhere.

So by my calculations, the 2 general outcome in my favor is a) they let me go or b) they find a position for me in their company that is less demanding. Either way, I win. Also, I still have a couple of months before they release me as they will need to train someone.

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In other news, I am also putting more effort in my financial gains/assets.

IDK if I ever mentioned it here but I never cared much about money, I’ve had good jobs that paid well to get me by but I never actually put actual effort into gaining wealth.

I’ve decided to change it up in this go around and will focus on this.🙂 Going to be using all of my magickal and mundane tools to achieve this – what’s a good goal, be a consistent millionaire in a couple of years? Lol

Anyways, I’m knee deep into mundane financial research. I’m trying to put together a 3 year plan to gauge how I am going. Right now, I am in debt but I should be able to erase that by early next year.

Yippee Ka Yay MOFO!😀

Visualizing A Better Future

I’m my self help phase of the year so please bear with it, lol…..

I was reading one of those self help books, just a random one I picked up because I thought the title was interesting, and I’m in the early half of the book and one of the things it wrote about was utilising visualisation the wrong way.

Adults (i.e me) tend to use it to visualise things that goes wrong w/ our lives; what did I do wrong, what could have I done better, what are the things that can go wrong?

I am especially guilty of this, the examples I’ve mentioned above are scenarios that I’ve visualised to death, over and over again, the same scenario some times -like me visualising the same scene over and over again would fix the issue/problem.

My brain would be so wired about it that sometimes that I couldn’t even go to sleep – hard as I try without resorting to drugs, even sometimes with drugs (I’ve downed sleeping pills at one point and still, my brain would just not let it go), I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep due to my over analysing.

Recently with my associate, he’s been down because of life issues and he wears his heart on his sleeve so he’s especially having a difficult time coping with it, so hard that it’s affecting his work (which also affects my work since our  individual workload affects one another). I don’t really care about the work aspect but that’s the only way I can measure how well he is so when he is feeling good, everything is running smoothly – when he is not on the ball, he is not on the ball.

Anyways, the point is he is living in a personal hell right now – if I go mental over things sometimes but my personality is very straight to the point, logic, I-Robot, etc – he’s very emotional, Latin lover type, so he’s feeling it 2-3x worse that I, and I can’t help him since his personality is like that and probably the only way is to drown in w/ booze, which would not help his case at the moment.

These things are subjective, case by case basis, I can tell you the techniques I use to cope with my “mental” instabilities but overall, the key is acknowledging that there is a mental problem and slowly cope and deal with it, start trying to fix it slowly but surely, and when there’s a setback, don’t get bend out of shape and keep at it.

A healthy mind, is a healthy body & spirit.

 

Life Assessment 5.1101

Even though I’ve been trying to simplify my techniques/process, I still like to jump in and take out the “antiques” for a spin, to keep the techs and skills I’ve worked so hard to learn from going rusty.

One of it is Geomancy.

Took my tools out (I wish I can do it via the board, pictured above – that’d be sick, I’d have to figure it out how it translates though….) and asked my questions;

Essentially….

  1. YELLOW ALERT: I’d lose my job easy, my financial situation would take a hit…..what else is new? My finances are always shit, not because I can’t cut it, more like I don’t give a shit about it, lol. I just honestly don’t care enough to put an effort to it, as long as I am making enough to survive (and get the extra treats that I like) – I’mma happy camper.
  2. ALL GREEN on the health department…which was surprisingly surprising because I thought I’d be sick somewhere, at least mention to me that I should stop smoking ‘cuz it’s not good for me.
  3. ALL GREEN on the love life…which I will not provide the details over here, lol.😛

Not gonna change my plans though.😛

Been organising my thoughts on my next couple of steps, what do I want to do, how do I go about it? Trying to keep it simple as always, one list APP (Simplenote) and I just jot down everything. (I’m a serious note keeper, I keep notes on everything).

Been focusing on my physical self, lack of energy, lazy to maintain – I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve gotten lazier, or just growing older but to me, this is not cutting it – need to be somewhat decent, lol.

Where Do I End Up?

I’m probably going to quit next week – I spent some time at work and you know those instances where you’re going to do something but the world ends up throwing little wrenches along the way.

This week, I was feeling emphatic towards my coworkers. I was feeling that they would be lost without me. There was instances were they seemed like they were going to be lost without me, or very grateful that I was working there. Today, one of my coworkers went even to say I was better than the lead dispatcher.

Of course, these feelings are just illusions because I know in my head that life will move on, like other things in life. People and things will adapt, just like some of the places I’ve left behind. I’m still going to quit, mind you, it’s just these instances make it…harder for me to bear down the bad news.

But as I make my way through this “game” I’m going with, it makes me wonder where I’ll end up this time around. I’m trying to play at my strengths and what I like which are…

  1. I like personal development, to push my limits.
  2. I lean towards the darker side of things (if we’re being honest here, which we always are, lol).
  3. I’m a heavy information utilizer.
  4. I use intuition & logic in my decision making.
  5. I enjoy being a performer.

#1 is nothing new, most practitioners are to an extent like this.

#2 as well, if you’ve read enough of my post can gather that I’m kinda cold in regards to certain things, even though I portray lightheartedness – when the chips are down, it’s all business.

#3 as well is not new, I consume information like it’s going out of business.

#4 is something I knew…but I never gave a name to I guess or never actually put it down officially as something I do.

#5 as well is like #4, something I knew but never gave a name to. The many instances where I did a “performance” to gain something is pretty numerous, lol. Even now, my persona as Mr Black is close to my real persona but there are differences. As well, my main goal is to become a rockstar so this is rather obvious in retrospect.

So with these 5 things in mind, I try to decide where I would end up as. (I also want to achieve some financial gains as well. Money is the easiest way to gain/achieve things in the world and it’s folly to think as a sorcerer not to utilize a tool something so readily available). I have a couple of ideas, some are realistic, some are just pushing the limits but an idea is an idea and the point here is to brainstorm…

  1. ROCKSTAR: My current goal at the moment. I actually love music, and love to play music, and all the things to concerns it. I don’t actually care for the fame but I won’t shy from it.
  2. TECH SECURITY CONSULTANT: Just something that plays along with my strengths and the potential for diversified paths is great.
  3. GUMSHOE: I’ve always wanted to be a detective, I think I’d be great at it – it’d be even better if it was like TV detectives, lots of fisticuffs and by the hair situations.
  4. CRIMINAL MASTERMIND: I’m not even joking about this. I’ve always thought I’d be a great criminal – more like “Inside Job” rather than the “Oceans 11”.
  5. MILITARY: Also something that plays w/ my strengths.

Any one of these “paths” I would be able to take, and while it may surprise you that I chose these as potential paths. All of these share the same kind of things, strength in mind, body & spirit. These paths can fulfill all the things my self wants and needs.

Realistically, the first 3 has the most potential to occur. I’m already doing #1 and the others, I’m planning to get a security & tech certification(s) soon so these things can easily redirect me to a certain path if certain variables get fulfilled. #5 is probably the most unlikely, since I like being close to my family to an extent. #4 is the the wild card here but to be honest, it’ll only take a pebble, the right opportunity, and a clear shot at the goal for this to happen. Let’s not forget, I was not an angel back then (nor am I now, lol).

It’s kinda nice to have had this written down, clears my brain up, organises my thought – these are the kind of truthful introspection that helps a person grow.

Even sometimes, writing about ourselves, to random people whom we’ve never met from the internet, we pressure ourselves towards a certain persona, a certain way of things, playing to the audience as one might say. Being this honest helps a person truly see what they’re made of, and what they need to do to advance if they want.

What shall I do today, what shall I doooooo?

mrblack.exe ver 5.1101

action is eloquence – Shakespeare

Alright, here we go again.

TBH, this was a time comin, lol. I’m really, really, not fond of the industry I’ve been working on but these was the cards I was dealt with so I decided to play on and try to win. For the most part, I’ve been winning in some aspect but in the game of Life, I have not – so after careful consideration this long weekend Thanksgiving, and talking to some peeps close to me, I’ve decided to move on.

To where? Wherever the chaos of life will take me.

Call it a quarter life crisis, call it being burnt out but to be clear, I’ve been in this industry for a decade + a couple of years in – I’m soooo tired of all the issues, the problems, the politics, the things that I have to hear but can’t do anything about it, the whining, etc etc. I’m just tired of it and I can’t afford to give any more of myself to it. It’s been a long time coming, working over there was supposed to be a stop gap, it was never meant to be a permanent thing.

No amount of money thrown at me is going to make me stay. It’s one of those jobs that takes alot out of someone, and the way I work, I fully dedicate myself to the job, and it eats up my time at work and my time at home.

I get home sometimes and I am so mentally exhausted that it affects me physically. My life should start at work, and end at work – my life continues afterwards, my physical, musical, mental and magickal training – all these things lag because I don’t have the energy to work on it.

I want to do something else, whatever else it is. I don’t want my valuable time being taken by these trivial issues I don’t even want to face.

First Step; Quit Job. Second Step: Find another job.

Steps are interchangeable, lol.

I am still changing. I am still growing, developing into the person I am supposed to be. Have to keep taking charge and see where it leads me. Can’t let these types of things slow me down, I have things to do [1.] – I need to keep moving and keep growing.

 

[SIDENOTE:] Just as I was writing this post, I was still having an issue of what to do afterwards but I figured it out as I sorted out my thoughts while writing this post, so now I need an action plan, and a job that doesn’t take up all of my energy.

[1.] Till I figure out the formula towards immortality.🙂

The Hero That You Deserve

I’m not a big journal keeper, nor do I make notes on how or when I perform spells. I do make notes for the stuff that I do for my clients but my personal work, I rarely, if not ever make notes. 

I write down a narrative in this blog on whatever interesting ritual/effect that occurred but it’s not as straight nor pure as others would like it.

I don’t write down time, moon phases, etc etc because I rarely take those things into consideration when I am performing rituals – I only take certain variables into consideration depending on what type of spell I am casting, I don’t ever follow which election does the planetary moon zodiac retrograde is on, lol.

I am not even making fun of those who do, I appreciate and respect those who actually do because with that said, I do find it interesting – I just never got into deep study into those things and my methods don’t ever use them.

So how do I remember if a ritual is successful or not?

Most of the time, I always keep in mind that results should be either in a time frame of “soon/ASAMP” or not time sensitive/open results. So most of the things I perform that is time sensitive, if it doesn’t work in a couple of days, then I assume it’s a bust. Those open time frame spells I perform, well – it’s just a matter of me remembering or not, lol.

Like recently, a couple that I knew broke up because the male was very unfaithful and I remembered that I cast a spell to break them up early in their relationship, well because I wanted the girl for myself.

Was this morally justified? I didn’t even care at the time…..

With them breaking up, am I finally getting the girl? Er, I’m not planning on wooing her anytime soon nor have I seen her stalking me or her throwing her naked body at me so…..

Was this the result of my spell?

Did I affect reality so that years later this was the result or was it predestined to happen and I felt it was going to happen and I was just a tool to make it happen, that I was just part of the cosmic play? Why did it take so long for results to occur?

Magick is so wibbly wobbly, lol.