Finding Order In Chaos

Finding order in chaos, this has been my favorite line as of late – I think it’s from a Daoist philosopher. I just find that it has been a theme that I’ve been seeing as of late in regards to the materials I am sifting through, and the experiences I’ve been having.

Like I’ve been reading alot of personal development books, and one of the lessons that has been resounding with me is that of strengthening your strengths and finding your personal expression in whatever you do.

So for example, like in chess, my personal style is positional and simplification – getting the game past the opening and middlegame phase and into the endgame where my strengths are – along the way, I take advantage of whatever advantages I can get; be it being up a pawn, or having a better position.

In music as well, I tend to gravitate at being a power trio (a three piece band, guitar, bass, and drums). My songs are mostly melodic and they tend to play into the dynamics of the instruments and the songwriting itself. I don’t think I’m the next Slash, more so following the footsteps of John Frusciante (RHCP, I adore his guitar playing) or Hendrix, or Gallagher. Simple types of rock music that plays with impact and melody.

With my physical development as well, I’ve been working on lowering my weight down to 200 – 180 lbs. I’ve had some bumps along the way and I would like to be in a better position than where I am right now but I am still working at it, and I’ve been getting results.

Especially with physical development, there are so many things, so many variables your body faces to get to the level you want it to be. Hormones, muscle entropy, cycles, etc etc. So many variables your body can face or push through to get it to where you want it to be. It boggles the mind how people can even get through a diet to lose weight (Personally, I just count my calories, work out everyday at medium intensity, and eat cleaner – I think that covers what is mostly needed).

When I look at these “issues” I am currently working, I tend to notice the chaos of it all, and the way I try to sift through the patterns and information and find the gems that I need to get through what I need done. I simplify my techniques, I test it, and I execute  then I revise if necessary. We live in an age where there is so much information that the trouble is actually finding the good information and executing on them.

This Daoist saying has never rung truer than it has in this day and age, find that order in the chaos that is life.

Teaching An Old Dog New Tricks

So my self imposed vacation is going to be done soon. My birthday is coming up and I’ve managed to get a bunch of stuff done in my absence in the workforce. As much as I would love to stay like this, I need to get back to earning those benjamins, lol – I want a new drumset.😛

I’m planning to go do a minimalist “bushcrafting” for a weekend, just looking for spots where I don’t have to go far out of the city but far enough from the city, and traffic, so I can have some peace of mind. I’m just looking for foresty spots where I can hide out, lol.

Anyways, I started looking at jobs at the market; what am I qualified for and what I am over qualified for. I would love to start at the bottom again but my resume is looking to qualified – over the decade and the half of being in the machine, I excelled at it. Started as a cashier, became a supervisor; started as a cook, became a shift manager, started in data entry, became a manager, warehouse person to logistics coordinator to operations manager.

You get the idea, I’m the typical over achiever.

A decade and a half of that and I would really just want a relaxing 9 to 5 job. In retrospect, it was very mentally and physically taxing to some extent, to do these managerial jobs day in and day out. My last gig, I was dreading every day thinking what kind of fuckupness will happen that day, what kind of lie would I need to produce to smoothen things out, who is gonna try to give me flack so in turn, I can scream at them, etc etc.

So I look at the jobs I want, and the jobs that I an qualified for, and how far they are from where I live (I’m not willing to trek far for a job) – these are the variables I look at but when I look at jobs that I think are “beneath” me, I get a sense of anxiety and dread.

I don’t actually feel that there are jobs beneath me nor do I believe I feel entitled to judge a person by their occupation, that I think I am higher than them, we do what we can with what we have – it’s my ego, it thinks that I should be working in a higher station since I’ve already reached that height and I shouldn’t go lower anymore, as well the money is pretty low in comparison to what my standard has been as of late ($35+ an hour down to $12ish).

Well, the thing is, when I look at those high end jobs, I also feel that anxiety and dread. The mind and body remembers all the pain and crap I had to go through during those tenures.

So in conclusion, I am confused as to how I should go about it?

Now that I wrote this all down, and somewhat has a coherent sense of what I am thinking – I now feel it is stupid that I am even going through those motions.

First off, there is no guarantee that I’ll get the job. Secondly, I always start at the bottom and work my way to the top.

Keep It Simple Stupid, and remember how you get by in life anyways, charge in recklessly.

It hasn’t failed you yet!

Brain Magick – Optimization Ideas

I like to talk about the “romantic” altruistic side of magickal development in my blog but who doesn’t, and we should probably all strive for some semblance of that in our lives. However, I do like my sorcery and the practical side of magick.

It would be nice to be able to read peoples mind, influence them with a spoken sentence, make yourself disappear from their perception but to be honest, I am ok with working with what I’ve got, and improving and developing them through the help of magick. Besides, instead of trying to achieve those “cool” things, working on the things I’ve already got are actually more practical and will be able to help me to achieve certain things – the cool stuff can come in after.

Yesterday, I was inspired to create an “analytical” servitor, wanted to boost my processing speeds and optimize the way I am learning and applying myself. I was ready to perform my working when I realize something – why do I need to create a servitor when all I really need is to optimize my brain? After realizing that “duh” moment, I set on to plan what I want to achieve.

This is not something new, I’m always trying to optimize my brain for effectiveness. It’s a weird sense of feeling, I feel like I am part of my body but I am not part of my body – like a pilot whose cockpit is the brain, and I’m hacking away with what I’ve got, modifying and refining.

So a couple of ideas I would like to achieve in this endeavour;

  • Limiter Release: I’ve always heard that our body is capable of doing great feats of strength and that our brain has a “limiter” on it so that we are only using a low percentage of what we can do. I’ve also heard that our body is not able to handle the strain thus will incapacitate us in a great duration of a time to recover.

    Since I also employ strength training, (I am particularly weak at the moment, I need to get those numbers up, I’ve only gotten back to seriously training and at my strongest, I was only lifting 200+ lbs) I was thinking to train my body to be able to withstand around 400+ lbs of weight, maybe 500+lbs (the basic movements; deadlift, squat, bench, etc) and then release the limiter so that I can lift to 600+ lbs (I don’t know the percentage of that type of strength in comparison to my potential unlocked strength). I mainly want to achieve this so I can achieve an explosive force of strength.

    Limiter Release is such an interesting idea. I assume with the premise above, that it applies in our actual brains processing speeds as well, and that we are only doing a certain amount of speed to avoid wear and tear, over heating, etc. I imagine an unlocked brain similar to those “bullet” time moments we always seem to have in regards to near death experiences, or Action Man like analytical system.

  • Full Body Control: Full control of your bodies functions; from healing, to strengthening, etc. I’ve been toying with increasing my brains synapses to increasing my metabolic rate but the gist of it is that since the brain is the control hub, and gaining full control of this hub, which controls your bodily process consciously and subconsciously, you are able to control the many process our body does.

    The variable that I worry about when I do this, like for example, forcefully increasing the speed of digestion or increasing blood flow towards a certain part of the body or increase adrenaline, my lack of knowledge of biology and the fact that the body is working in synch as it is, I don’t know the type of side effects that can occur. For example, I was trying to speed up my digestion and I thought that digestion occurs due to the stomach acids and if I can increase the amount or potency, it will go faster – then I thought what kind of side effects would occur? Would my stomach lining be able to handle it, would I end up bursting my stomach?

  • Total Recall: Pretty straightforward. The ability to memorize everything, and be able to recall in full detail that memory.
  • Analytical Speed: Increase the way I analyse and process information.
  • Reptilian Brain: Give more control to this part of the brain. I tend to be too intellectual, and too inside of my brain at times and I would like to give more control to this part of the brain, especially on things I am not too comfortable with – like social events I am uncomfortable with, or dealing with aggression. I feel like my reptilian brain is in control during the times when I am in physical competition, and I don’t mind it that way – now to harness it for my advantage.

Now, these are all ideas and theories that I am working on and would like to achieve.

The science isn’t exactly exact and the magick part is going to be funky at most but I’ve had success though with increased healing, increased temporary strength, been able to grow hair on a certain spot – I’ve experienced that “clarity” or soft zone, as the sportys’ would say, numerous times.

Think of the possibilities.

Zepar Conjuration – Failure To Launch

So…..nothing happened w/ the request I asked Zepar to accomplish.

The practical side of me would just move on with another entity, maybe it just was not meant to be, maybe we weren’t compatible, the stars wasn’t aligned – but that was not was this endeavour was all about.

I have my theories on how magick work and how to affect it to achieve results in the microcosm and I wanted to explore and experiment and execute, the result was just the icing on the cake.

Now with the same principles I use in life, I have to review, analyze, refine, and try again.

So in review.

  • I only used Zepars word of power and seal, mainly energy work, no materia used.
  • I got confirmation that I contacted the correct entity, that results would happen within 2 weeks, and that no devotionary practice and offerings would be required.
  • No lust of result variable I found, to be honest. It was quite easy with this one. I wasn’t as vested as I thought I would’ve been.

What could’ve have happened that this didn’t go as planned?

  • I didn’t connect with the correct entity. My divination is pretty good, I would’ve gotten signs if that wasn’t the case.
  • I didn’t use the right amount of energy. Possible, I am planning to increase “potency”.
  • Materia is needed for a successful conjuration: Possible but I am hoping not. I’ve seen so many people succeed with minimal to no materia that it bunks that theory for me. Maybe it’s needed for “demonic” entities. Again, I’ve seen enough proof that people can achieve results so I am going with my former working theory.
  • The entity lied to me. Quite extremely possible and something that I’ve thought of, since it is in their nature. I didn’t want to come off all authoritarian in my rituals, I was hoping I didn’t need to pull that card but maybe I will.
  • Personal variables. Maybe I wasn’t focused enough. Maybe I was actually lusting for results more that what’ve I’ve noticed. I don’t think so though, I’ve been doing this for awhile now, I know when I am not in the game, I have better control of my mental faculties so I would know if I was lusting for results.
  • External variables. Maybe there was no way for me to achieve results. This could be the case on the extreme basis; like maybe my timing was off and she’s not even in the same country or dying but I haven’t heard of any of this, and if that was the case – Zepar shouldn’t have given me a time frame.
  • Spherical variables. Maybe I am biting more that I can chew. Historically, my success with seduction magick is not very good. For other people, I do ok but personal seduction magick, success is not something I can brag about – not like money magick per se. I’ve been failing at personal seduction magick since my high school conjuration of Aphrodite, lol.

The goal(s) is to be able to connect with entity with minimal ritual and materia, that’s why I chose to do this ritual this way, that’s the whole goal of my sorcery in general.

Heavily influenced by Hemetics (Bardon), Chaos Magick (Hine), Postmodern Magic, Demonaltry & Strategic Sorcery. That’s why I enjoy NAP so much, no materia needed; just connect and results occur.

So I am going to go at it again, what should I be doing to refine my next conjuration to increase my success ratio?

  1. I will be keeping the same motif; no materia, seal and words of power.
  2. I increasing the “potency” of the chthonic energies I weave when performing the conjuration.
  3. I will skip the divination confirmation part.
  4. I will perform the conjuration in the traditional cycle of repetition for a couple of days and wait for results.
  5. I might include the power of Lucifer in this run. I was hoping I didn’t have to work it this way but maybe in the initial runs, I should and eventually wean off when I have confirmation of success.

In regards to my weakness on this type of magick, I am a firm believer that any skill can be advanced as long as you are invested for success. So I understand that I might suck at this but it doesn’t mean I can’t get better at it. Just like I suck at astral projection, I will crawl and scratch my way to success, I just have to be smart about it. (lol, thank you “art of learning” for reinforcing this idea to me).

I am probably going to go for another run at it tonight, with the variables and revisions I have talked about in place.

Wish me luck.

 

Accelerated Development

I’ve been reading Josh Waitzkin – The Art of Learning recently.

If you don’t know who Josh is, he was the subject of the movie called “Searching For Bobby Fischer”. He was a child chess prodigy who turned away from the spotlight and instead turned his focus on becoming a tai chi push master and jujitsu master. He now teaches and consults with finance managers and sports athlete his methods and helps them achieve the results they want.

I’ve been reading his book, and some of Tim Ferris, well basically anything to do w/ accelerated learning – tips and tricks that will help me learn faster so I can utilize the skills quickly in real life. I wish there was the plugin like the Matrix where I can just download skills that I want to know but alas, that technology is still in the far, far future.

My own method of learning, I usually research a skill, reverse engineer and then practice by repetition. Then through real world application, I choose which techniques work for me and my advantage -I find it’s a very balanced approach; use my intuition to do the work and then carefully strategize which skills am I going to assimilate.

There’s a fine balance to learning though, we can just read books on theory and stuff but that just makes us an armchair practitioner – we actually need to DO the deeds to start having a sense of the material you are working with. One can read about the mechanics of shooting the perfect free throw shot but unless you already have complete mastery of your body; you will need to tinker with your stance and form, ingrain in your muscle memory the form and flow of the shot, adjust the power of your output, and feel the subtle way the ball leaves your fingers. Most people will have to do this a hundred of times to achieve some sort of proficiency unless you are gifted among men.

But I am always learning, and looking out for ways to hasten my development.

To me, what’s the point of mastering the skills you want and need when you are not in the position to enjoy it (i.e elderly, married, etc).

The now of me is that I have all the “free” time to achieve what I want, so I should go and get it. When I “settle” down, my time and devotion will be spent on that endeavour.

But for now, warp speed to my dreams.

The War Of The Roses

I thought it was deliciously hilarious that this subject came up today, as it is Friday, and I’ve been dealing with this sort of thing for the whole week now.

My friend recently bought up a mens movement called “The Red Pill” (check REDDIT or Google) and how it resonates with him. I did not hear of it so I checked it out and my observations were a) it’s nothing new, b) it’s a fad, and c) I wasn’t sold on the matter.

Let me explain.

It’s not that I’m not sold in regards to male development, I’m all for it. I’ve personally done Speed Seduction, honed my “game” the best of my abilities, even used magick to get an advantage here and there. I also take care of my physical appearance, learn new things, etc – all for my personal development. Mind you, it’s not focused so my results is to get laid every day, all the time – that’s a very pleasurable side effect, lol. My goal is to enrich my life and be truly happy with the things I enjoy, and the life I want.

Money doesn’t excite me so I don’t bother with that, Wife/GF is not a thing for me at the moment – unless I find someone who can really appreciate the scope of the things I would like to accomplish and not get in the way but I’m not rushing to get it, I get all the sex that I need.

The thing that bothered me about the RedPill more was the philosophy and the premise behind the movement; that woman are to blame for a males misfortune because they set the stage of being oppressed while being the master puppeteers behind the scene who are really oppressing the males of the world.

When I look at that premise, and the people who follow it, the conclusion I see is a lot of males projecting themselves into a philosophy.

“I am restricted by a female and cannot put myself in a better position thus I project via TheRedPill.”

Personally, by giving that power to females in that sense, not only are you devaluing yourself, and the whole male populace – it is a very Beta thing to do (passive aggressive, shift blame to others).

Are males so stupid that we can’t see past the “tricks” woman put up? We can blow up nukes, put humans in space, influence Western philosophy but can’t see past a females charming traps?

Don’t get me wrong, woman are trained assassins in regards to charms and seduction. Once you are of age to process information, your mother passes on her lessons, magazines such as Cosmopolitan start teaching you the tricks of the trade, a whole industry in fashion is devoted to changing your looks to put you up in advantage.

Do I think that’s wrong though? I can’t blame a woman for following her biological programming and adapting to the world around her. They are doing what they are supposed to do. I believe in equality, in all aspects of gender and life. You always have a choice to follow the social programming, or go against it.

Are women trying to gain advantage over men in regards to procreation? Yes. Are they nefariously and consciously trying to change the social narrative to put men in a lower position? No. It implies that they are plotting but they are just following their biological instructions. Leave the plotting to the men ladies, lol.

In all seriousness though, besides the philosophy and premise behind the redpill – I don’t see any actual issues with the techniques. For the most part, it’s a extreme right regurgitated material, the original source is likely Ross Jefries of Speed Seduction. I’m sure there are gems in there, like any other resource in the world, just gotta find it.

It’s a niche subject that wants to be heard and the internet has always been a portal for these kinds of topics.

In conclusion, sheep will be sheep and wolves will be wolves – no matter what media they are on. It might be true that woman might be trying to consciously manipulate but you know what, would a wolf care? I’d rather be a wolf in any case, no matter what new incarnation of the PUA, Speed Seduction, The Game, The Mystery Method, The Red Pill comes out in the future.

These things are not the end all be all of methods, there are always things happening in the background that you won’t be able to know; just focus on yourself, and what you want, and how to get it, and fuck everything else.

Find that order in the chaos that is life.

“An Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living.” -Socrates

P.S: I just thought this was a funny subject to touch up since…

  1. my work with Zepar should be concluding this weekend.
  2. a client work in regards to reconciliation is progressing.
  3. a couple of “ladies” were hitting on me (and to be fair, my brother as well)
  4. I was in a conversation with my friends in regards to how the males in my family are “whipped”. They then retracted their point since I was the exception, and I replied “there’s a reason why”. lol.

    P.S.S: And the magickal perspective on this is…there is, lol, but can you figure it out?

    P.S.S.S: The answer is control the desperation. Desperate people reeks failure, in magick, and the mundane.

Wishful Thinking

What if you can have any wish you want granted?

I want money.

I want to be famous.

I want to be immortal.

These are some of the kind of things people wish for, and on the surface, they are all meant to achieve happiness in general but really take a good look at it and really see where it is coming from.

For the most part, self interest plays a big factor on deciding these kinds of things.

I am obsessed with wealth.

I am jealous of anothers status in life.

I am in fear of death.

I look at my motivations in life and in magick; what are the things I am in to, what do I excel at and what drives me forward?

While I do think I have some motivations that I think are coming from a pure, non-ego driven standpoint (music, devotion to my family, life), there are other things – such as learning and becoming a sorcerer, that didn’t come from a “pure” standpoint.

I think its’ pretty telling that I chose to label myself a sorcerer, and not a magickian. In Bardons terminology, magickians are basically the light side and sorcerers are the dark side. Sorcerers are more fascinated with the microcosm, while Magickians work to achieve development in the macrocosm.

These days, it’s not as black and white as I portray, things rarely are this B&W in this world, and while I might have started off with that mindset, I feel like I’ve somewhat reached a certain balance with what I want. Goals and achievements might have changed throughout the years, but the main theme of my “wish” is still ever present and once known, alot of things that I do makes sense to those who it didn’t make sense to initially.

It’s a very pessimistic point of view but I think it’s a must for someone who is really devoted into achieving inner alchemy and peace with oneself. One must be able to look at their good side, and their bad sides and must be at peace with what they find.