I’ve been in a good routine of writing things out, I keep this blog mostly for magickal related stories and tidbits, but I also keep a journal on the side – finally get to use my ridiculous collection of blank journals and fancy fountain pens, lol.
The act of writing is like facing my mirror self but the mirror only shows what’s there, not what you perceive – even though it shows you who you really are, it’s still up to you to perceive and understand what it is showing you.
I was writing in my journal in regards to my oh so favourite topic (and person) that I am dealing with (anger issue with someone) and I was trying to figure out how to deal with it – as soon as I started writing, I ask myself a question and I answer it in my journal. I thought this situation is odd and I am not like this but as soon as I wrote it down the sheet, my brain starts to process it and I then realize that this is actually my pattern but to a certain extent. I thought my level of anger was in a 3.5/5 scale but I now realize, it’s actually in a 5/5 scale.
I’d like to believe for the most part, I live a very Zen’ish life but as my mum would say, I have my grandfathers temper – a ticking time bomb in which the countdown is nearing zero. (My grandpa is super nice and super quiet, till you pissed him off, then he turns into the Hulk, lol)
The more I write, the more I dig deeper, the more I write, the more questions I have than answers till it finally hit me. I am projecting my own inadequacies to that person. Don’t get me wrong, the person is a 5h1t3 still and my own issue is that I am not selfish like that but I wish I was but I’m too nice of a guy, especially to my family…hence the projection.
I took note of it, discussed it with myself, and came to a resolution that it is true. Now, learning that little tidbit of truth set me a little free – no more flashes of anger that consumes me. I still get “annoyed” but not to the extent where you can see dark energies pulsing out of me, lol.
The thing is, not alot of people can take a good look at themselves and objectively observe, and empirically make notes about themselves.
The ego is always there. The narrative that they’ve put as the backdrop of their lives is there. The delusions and restrictions that they’ve put on them selves to justify their own inadequacy and failures.
It’s sad because there’s so many examples in the world where people came out of worse situations to achieve marvellous things, a quick youtube search on motivational ideas or even every TED talk out there will show the potential of achievement past desperate odds.
I can never understand that point of view because I’ve been on the wrong side of that rail, and I made it to the other side – I grinded and hustled and pounced on every opportunity I got. My old man was the same and he taught me those values too.
I could tell you stories, and I got them stories but to be honest, it’ll have to do a 10 part posting on how one lives in the slums of Manila Philippines…and that’s just my childhood, lol.
As a little glimpse, lets go for my Grade 1 elementary school and demolished area beside it, and crackheads….Whatever you are imagining, it’s probably worst.
Get over it. The world is not fair. We have all been dealt with bad hands in a point in our lives. There’s good looking people, and there’s ugly as fuck people (physically and mentally, lol). The world is filled with inconsistencies. People have it tough in the Africa, Middle East. People die and get killed pointlessly and needlessly every day in the hundreds.
Not everything in this world is sunshine, buttercups and rainbows but instead of finding excuses everywhere else, get your head out of your asses, take responsibility and live.