Recently, 2 people whom I liked and respected departed from this world.

I will miss them terribly and in contemplation, I have a hard time dealing with this.

It’s nothing new, but it never gets easy.

Because it clearly shoves in my face my own life span, how things can end that quick, how I don’t want to die and rather be immortal…

Some say that there is something beyond this world, some say that this is only the beginning, and we are actually meant to leave our physical constraints and move on to the next world.

But I kinda like it here, lol. And I don’t want to go till the party ends.

I want to watch time run out, moment by moment, until nothing remains.

No time, no space, just me.

I want to see things you wouldn’t believe, I want to lose things you will never understand.


For the most part, a lot of us gets into Bardons IIH as a guide for a simplified magickal training regime.

It can’t be helped, there’s alot of hype regarding his work and how it produces quality effective practitioners, and there’s a lot of convoluted works out there that is pretty much rehashed and regurgitated previous works.

Having experienced this myself, and having failing to work with IIH and having to get back up and keep trying, I realized that coming at it from the mindset of “achieving power” dooms most people to fail with training in IIH.

I see it all the time.

I see aspirants come in and diligently try to practice the regime, and for the most part, the drop it around Step III and find another system to work with. I’ve always wondered why there was such a high turnaround of practitioners for such a highly esteemed magickal system. I knew these practitioners tried to diligently practice the exercises set by Bardon. I knew they had the mental capacity to achieve results. I knew the system in general didn’t have big flaws so that a practitioner will fail at it.

Then what is the issue?

When you’ve worked with IIH for so long, and you’ve contemplated these issues, you come to a realization that the way IIH is set up is quite ingenious. For example, if you fail at IIH and never go back to it – you’ve just proven that you didn’t actually read and practice the book the way Bardon asked you to or you were not true to your own desire to begin with. And if you fail, and go back at it again – IIH taught you the lesson it needed you to learn to get back on the saddle, and now you are back on the path again to the Great Work.

Now, maybe I’m just thinking into it way too much, and it was just all a coincidence but if this tome of magick was a gift from the Heavens. I’m ok to think that this was all planned out in such a way. I feel that if you come into IIH with the mindset of “enriching your life” as supposed to the former, you will have a much easier time achieving results.


When I first started out in the occult; I felt anxious and petrified about not understanding the material I was trying to learn, like IIH for example, like if I didn’t understand it – it was not meant for me.

I am sure we’ve all had those feelings but now that I am a decade and a half into this whole shebang, those feelings that I had before we for naught. I guess you can call it the beginners mindset but these days, I’m glad to reread the old materials I used to study.

IIH for example provides a constant source of inspiration and guidance to me. I am always picking up on new things, or how to improve what I was doing before, all in the framework that Bardon provided in his opus. I am always thinking of new ways to work with IIH, improving on what was written before. [SIDENOTE: I really need to consolidate and organize my notes on IIH, I really want to create something that is solid and concrete but how to tackle such a problem….]

Today, I decided to reread Jan Fries “Visual Magick” [a staple in my collection and practice but somewhat underrated as a practical book of sorcery] and just a couple of chapters in, I picked up on things I didn’t pick up on my first read. Just little thing that I feel was worth testing out in the field and making my sorcery a tad more reliable.

Sometimes, I will hear “masters” preach that they can give you the answer, but you won’t understand it because you are not ready. Before, I felt that it was really arrogant for them to say that but in retrospect, and in proper framing, there is some truth to what they were saying.

It’s like when one needs sleep so that the mind can process information that was laid previously, a practitioner might need to get away and come back to it so the new information can sink in and a realization can occur.

Don’t be afraid to not have all the answers, once you are ready – it will come. :P

I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.



The sphere of Saturn was something I kinda avoided….I just didn’t think I was ready and I was busy polishing up my elemental magick, I thought I was able to use the elements for anything.

I don’t think I’ve hit a plateau yet but I decided, since I’m trying to reinvigorate my practice that I might as well go for it, and that my practice and my current plans needs the flow of Saturn on it.

I prepared yesterday, I didn’t bother following any correspondence in regards to this..I just didn’t feel the need for it. I prepared myself as much as possible, I called my guides into my sacred space, and I chanted for awhile my choice of Saturns words of power.

I let its’ energies flow to me and there was some feedback, but nothing grandiose as one would expect from an initiation. I waited for a bit some more but since nothing of note was happening, I decided to conclude my working, closed everything off and called it a night.

As I tried to go to sleep, I felt very restless; my mind and body wanted to sleep but I just couldn’t. I started to feel a type of energy flowing into me, which from what I felt, could only be the flow of Saturn aligning to me.  I welcomed it and could feel the energy flowing deeper into me.

As I drifted to sleep, I was visited with visions of entities, energies, etc. It wasn’t one of those psychedelic trips, it was more of a darker tone to it. I never really fell into a deep sleep, it was one of those half in half out but I ended up dreaming…the tone of the dream was still dark but also of a light tone.

In the dream, I was in love with a girl and we were on a date (my sister and her friend was there as supporting cast); we went to a party and we went to spots that I normally hang out at but the tone was dark still, it felt like the tone was a victorian dark romance, it a modern setting, very Saturnian. I knew I was dreaming but eventually, I got sucked in to the events of the dream that I forgot, till the end when I woke up.

It was a very strange, and vivid turn of events. Was that some sort of initiation, or testing? I liked the vibe and the atmosphere of the whole things, mind you.

Hope I passed, lol.



The past few years or so, my focus has been polishing up the technique and spellwork while balancing my mental, physical, and spiritual state and doing some fun experiments along the way, trying out this and that.

These days, while I am still trying to find my goal and path – I feel like my focus is shifting into a more natural, knowledge based practice. I’ve been so focused on this side of the pond that I haven’t made the effort to really see what’s on the other side – I’ve been so pragmatic, knowing that the tech is sound but not trying to really figure out the why it works.

I mean I’ve read the books about the theory behind magick but I really want to see it, feel it, live it – be part of it’s current. I want to be completely plugged in to an INFORMATION MODEL but in a more natural way…makes sense?  like having my intuition in steroids, lol.

Information about the Norse God Odin has been popping up left right and center at me, from good old forums to media content not even close to being occult, his presence is making itself known.

I am more interested at the aspect of him offering his eye and hanging upside down a tree for a couple of days to gain access to knowledge. I feel like I am going to make strides in that sense to gain what I want.

Or this could just be a fools errand?


In my life, I’ve been the type of guy that had to wear many a masks…I think it’s easier for me to deal with the world around me that way, never letting anyone too close to know the real me. Not because I am afraid of letting anybody too close but I guess it’s my default mechanism; some people have been though, but that is a limited amount, and they never see the full story.

Personally, I think I just figured that it’s too hard for anyone to really show someone who they really are – we all have our secrets, things we are ashamed of, things we don’t want others to know. The other side of the coin is that there isn’t alot of people out there as well willing to find out the whole truth about someone.

The truth is painful and scary most of the time.

I’ve been a good boy, a nerd, goth, rocker, sorcerer, a suit, a hip-hopper, gansgter, a romantic, nerd, a thief, a mentor, a corporate ladder climber. I’ve done good things, I’ve done bad things. I’ve lived live recklessly, and I’ve lived it stagnantly.

I’m in my early 30’s and I’m in the cycle of stagnancy at the moment. The past couple of years has been a yawner for all intents and purposes, and I am trying to figure out my next couple of steps but I find that I have no idea as to where I want to go, for the first time in my life.

Have I been doing what I want in life?
Have I been doing things that will enrich my life?
Have I been doing things that is fun for me?

I’ve been contemplating on this issue for the past couple of days while I’ve been rejuvenating – I feel anxious, like I’ve been wasting my time and procrastinating…

I’ve made a couple of steps forward but I feel like I’ve lost what I’ve gained.

Time to start all over again?

I’ve been making some headway, I feel that the answer will show up to me soon.


I was reading a posting somewhere, and I liked a sentence the OP wrote..essentially saying that the practitioner should be a bridge between two worlds, that live for this realm and the realm beyond.

That’s why I never really got into “systems” (Buddhism, Thelema, GD, etc) that are out there, they always preach about either immersing yourself into the material world, or leave the material world and prepare to transcend to the world beyond.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t pretend to know everything nor do I say I know the workings of a GOD but for me to feel this way, there must be some truth in the matter.

In a way, my practice reflects on what I believe in; the only anomaly is Bardons IIH but to be honest, I ignore most of the fluff he espouses (lol). By the books standards, I am a sorcerer and not a mage but I like it that way.

Everyone by now knows I am a hardcore IIH fan but it’s the same issue I have with Star Wars as well (till the extended universe happened), too rigid. I can’t stand that rigidity especially since I know the world doesn’t work that way.

This is the direction I want to take my practice, a sorcerer who is clearly planted between two worlds – just like the olden times. :)