In my life, I’ve been the type of guy that had to wear many a masks…I think it’s easier for me to deal with the world around me that way, never letting anyone too close to know the real me. Not because I am afraid of letting anybody too close but I guess it’s my default mechanism; some people have been though, but that is a limited amount, and they never see the full story.
Personally, I think I just figured that it’s too hard for anyone to really show someone who they really are – we all have our secrets, things we are ashamed of, things we don’t want others to know. The other side of the coin is that there isn’t alot of people out there as well willing to find out the whole truth about someone.
The truth is painful and scary most of the time.
I’ve been a good boy, a nerd, goth, rocker, sorcerer, a suit, a hip-hopper, gansgter, a romantic, nerd, a thief, a mentor, a corporate ladder climber. I’ve done good things, I’ve done bad things. I’ve lived live recklessly, and I’ve lived it stagnantly.
I’m in my early 30’s and I’m in the cycle of stagnancy at the moment. The past couple of years has been a yawner for all intents and purposes, and I am trying to figure out my next couple of steps but I find that I have no idea as to where I want to go, for the first time in my life.
Have I been doing what I want in life?
Have I been doing things that will enrich my life?
Have I been doing things that is fun for me?
I’ve been contemplating on this issue for the past couple of days while I’ve been rejuvenating – I feel anxious, like I’ve been wasting my time and procrastinating…
I’ve made a couple of steps forward but I feel like I’ve lost what I’ve gained.
Time to start all over again?
I’ve been making some headway, I feel that the answer will show up to me soon.