As you can see from my last post, I haven’t wrote anything about the occult since 2019. That is even a tad more false as I probably didn’t do anything slightly magickal for a half a decade or so.
To be honest, life just took over and the ROI of practicing magick wasn’t enough – also coupled with my dissatisfaction that my progress wasn’t going anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think my time with sorcery was a waste of time – I gained so much of it, especially in a sense of widening my scope of the world and looking through it in different view. Life just really took over and my priorities shifted over to more pressing things.
With that said, looking at my current self; it feels like something is missing. I’ve been feeling it for awhile – I feel like my mental balance is out of whack, what used to be a sharp sword has now turned into a dull blade. Things I never felt before, I am now recognizing (which I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing)
One of the things that was good with occult practice was that there was a beneficial side effect of having discipline, something that I am currently lacking at the moment. It feels like, if I were to quantify mental energy in levels of 1 – 100, it would be under 50 and since my mental state is so weak – I’ve been more susceptible to mental afflictions I normally didn’t let in my mental sphere.
So here we are again, at another impasse in life… What do I do? I am not fond of my current mental state, I do not enjoy lacking mental tools and control over myself. I am also at the phase of my life where I want to enjoy it, and ultimately be happy.
Will taking up the mantle of sorcerer make me happy? Will it make me fulfilled again? I feel like in my previous endeavor, I didn’t make enough of a progress that I wanted to but it didn’t make me feel unhappy – the fact that I was adventuring through unexplored territories made me feel at ease.
No matter how I proceed, I do know that I need to make current changes in my life – recognizing this is the first step of it.