Back To Square One

For the first time, in a decade of being employed in the muggle world, I got fired from my position.

It came out of nowhere, yet I felt like it was coming. Somewhere along the way, I pushed too hard and they didn’t like the young blood coming up so fast and hard.

I was precisely let go 3 days after my last post, after the meeting we had in which I was told I was moving too fast.

The thing was, I never got a real excuse why I was let go…more so the company line of “don’t think we’re going to fit” deal. I mean, c’mon? How can one possibly know that in the 2 weeks that I was there working, lol. The sad part was that my productivity was much higher after that meeting, I only needed 10% to complete my task.

I can go all day on how dumb that was, and initially, I was so shocked of the result. It wasn’t about the job, or the money – just genuinely shocked that I got let go since I never got that. I either moved on, or quit.

Now, the main point of this post, and my still ongoing issue is…what am I going to do with myself? Am I having a quarter life crisis?

I feel like I should just disappear for one spring, summer, and fall; to find out about myself and what really makes me tick. I’m also in love with the idea of just being a travelling hermit, lol.

While I’ve lived a pretty carefree life, most of my decisions are coloured with the variable of “how will this affect my family?”. Not to say I’ve never lived without their saying but for the most part, especially after I “grew up” – that variable is always in my decision making structure. It’s like an end user filter that always affect the outcome of my thought processes.

For example;
Question: Should I go to this party? [yes]
Process: Do I want to go? Is it going to be fun? Am I going to go all out? [yes]
Filter: How does this affect my family?
Outcome: I’m gonna go, but I’ll try not to go all out and be stupid. Try not to come home drunk, etc.

They are like a ball and chain, and for the most part – is a good thing since they technically act as my limiter because if I didn’t have one…let’s just say I would have a whole different set of problems.

As well, what should I focus my time on?

I think music is my main goal, and it’s never going to change but what else should I focus my time on; other ideas are magick, and my physical self but I’m a smart guy – I feel like I can do more, and it’s that idea of being able to do more that is killing me.

  • Should I start writing novels? I like writing but I feel like I’m never good enough as a writer…I do have plenty of ideas, an idea man per se.
  • Should I start working with Youtube? I like gaming – especially fighting games, tech, anime, movie reviews, martial arts, etc. Should I translate all of that passion into Youtube? I mean I do consume alot of content and I do like alot of things.
  • Should I become a video game developer?
  • etc etc

Having too many options is such a curse, lol. I try to simplify my life, and all aspects of it but the sad part is that it get’s boring..Variety is the spice of life and it steeps into the very things that I like.

I simplify certain processes, master it, then I add my own bits into it slow and surely. Mind you, I still try to simplify as much as possible but things can get me excited quickly, lol, and once I am held hostage – I never really let go.

So….my apologies for the word vomit, trying to sort out what I want….

My goals for now are; music, magick, and physical self? I’m gonna simplify my life around these things and while I am doing that, I am going to keep asking myself?

What do you want to do?

P.S: Or…, I’m just gonna start rolling a dice and see what happens. 😛