Perpetual N00B

I would like to say I’ve reach grandmaster mastery of everything magickal and sorcerous but I have not, even though I’ve hit the decade mark of learning and studying the arcane arts, even though I hear whispers from clients, friends and colleagues that I’ve reached a certain level of mastery, I still don’t feel it – I still feel that I am a perpetual n00b.

Those old words of Socrates really stuck to me…..

It’s not like I’m not progressing, I am, but there is still so much to learn and explore. Even my preferred choice of practice/system, I’ve barely scratched the surface.

But you know what, I kinda like it being in this state.. Always ready and eager to learn new and exciting things, ready to test and experiment the things that I have been shown, excited to try out the things that I’ve learned in the real world.

To the perpetual noob…. salut!

An Antagonist

You know what makes a great movie or a great novel? Some might say it’s the struggle of the protagonist, their journey, etc etc – but who do they come up against to reach that goal?

The Antagonist,

Without a great antagonist, there would be no source of struggle to overcome. Think of movies like Fight Club where the antagonist turned out eventually to be his own psyche. How would the movies turn out without Jack Torrence, Hannibal Lecter or even The Big Bad Wolf. What would Batman do without The Joker, Superman w/o Lex Luthor, Spidey Vs Carnage, etc.

So what makes a great antagonist then?

To sum it up, I believe that they never think they are the bad guys – that they think they are the good guys, and their belief and choices are the correct ones, and that anyone who stands in their way are the villains.

Why did I bring this little topic up then?

Yes, I brought it up because I think I’m an antagonist, that I pretty much fall into that stereotype. Some might point out that maybe I fall under the “anti-hero” clause but I disagree since anti-heroes tend to know they are doing the wrong things but justify the means with the ends.

I think that’s how I view my actions when performing magick and receiving the results of it from the universe; be it a small love spell, finance charm, or just general magick in general. I fully believe that I am right, and that my actions are correct, and that it should be done, and consequences be damn.

So really, what’s the difference between me and the bad guy, lol?

[EDIT] I should really let these rants simmer, I dislike spelling and grammar mistakes but these things just pop out of my head and my fingers do the dancing. To let it simmer would do my rants injustice, lol.

Focusing Internally, Rather Than Externally

These past few years, I’ve been so focused on manifesting my magick externally, rather than internally. Trying to visibly manifest entities, some sort  of external effect that can be replicated substantially.

I mean, I know magick words wonderfully internally but that chase to prove it externally has something that has been on every practitioners mind since the dawn of magick – to reach that new level, to finally put to sleep those lingering doubts, etc etc.

But while I was on this journey, certain bits of my life has been left unattended – which is normal for most of us, and for me as well but I am not getting any younger and my philosophy in life still stands and I will follow it till my dying breath.

an unexamined life is not worth living…..

So I must make the hard decision and move towards the future with what I have and not the potential of what I can achieve. I have to use the pragmatic and effective techniques, rather work with the showy experimental ones. I basically have to buckle down and get it done.

I write this, and actually mean it but life, spiced with magick, has a funny way of throwing chaos into the mix. As I write this, some of my external manifestations might bear fruit – who knows, lol.

So what does this mean? Nothing really will change; maybe take less clients, work more internal magick, experiment less, etc etc.

Sounds like less fun? I guess but living life is fun and the greatest high I can achieve so…I take from the universe, I give back to the universe.

C’est la vie.

06.01.2014 Project Updates

PERSONAL PRACTICE: Not really alot of new things going on, some stuff here and there that are new and exciting (secret projects, lol), more so alot of field work and alot of practical work. Just refining, and refining my techniques.

Been working on my lack of discipline, been getting better at it, don’t know how I lost my edge.

Have to work on my physical aspect, need to have better lower body flexibility. Thinking of working on some basic yoga then.

STUDIES: Been reading IIH again, some fiction and non-fictional books not exclusively related to magick (getting some inspiration), also been going through the Black Pullet Grimoire.

CONJURATIONS: Been working w/ the entities of the Black Pullet. 50/50 success so far.

MISC: Been busy w/ new ideas but nothing groundbreaking going…

Open Source Magick

You know, I like to contemplate on a lot of things, that’s what I primary do whenever I’m not actually doing practical magickings, and one of the thoughts that I happen to meditate on was the idea of revolution in magick and open source magick…

Personally, even though I see alot of material on magick in general these days, it’s just alot of the same things; this and that, named w/ a fancy name, fancy dressings, but the root fundamental of it all are the same things.

While we are in an era where information across the globe is easily accessible, we haven’t gone in the phase where we start refining this information into something solid and absolute.

I know it’s hard and there’s alot of issues; like social responsibilities, greed, secrecy, obligations, pride and ownership, etc. I completely understand though, I don’t wanna share all my hard earned secrets, things that I managed to understand after I put in the hours. I do understand that there’s a certain pride w/ being a master of a certain system.

I completely understand.

But with that said, where are the masters who are willing to put all that issues aside and just say “Fuck it, here are the fundamentals of this systems practice, feel free to analyze and make it better if possible.” Not even masters but just practitioners in general.

I know my attitude about this issue stems from my background in computers and the hacker movement but doesn’t the comparison seem the same? If we went open source already, we’d be churning out advancements in a couple of decades or so.

Think of the possibilities….

NOTE: Even as I wrote this article, I thought to myself, kinda hypocritical of me since I myself, has not released anything on this blog…We’ll, I used to but those posts were deleted since I restarted this blog. I will restart. :)

Wandering Shadow Self

Since I’ve upped my magick level years ago and has been in touch w/ my various guides, it has been reported to me that my “shadow” self seems to like to wander around people that I’ve worked with or clients whom I’ve had particularly close ties to.

I just brought it up since yesterday, a client of mine had a dream of Godzilla and he felt that it was me…lol. While I do a mean Godzilla impersonation, I can honestly say I’m not surprised.

Fuck, my shadow self has put on more air miles than I have…he’s been to parts of Europe, Australia, parts of Canada, US, UK…WTF?

Granted, the Godzilla bit is something new – I’ve heard that the most common form my shadow self takes is a lion. I’ve also heard that my shadow self is a little kinky with some (*high five*).

What kind of a degenerate is this guy?

I’ve done some work with my shadow self but I’ve actually never continued or has been granted formal introductions to it. I was especially intrigued with the idea of the type of perspective it will have.

I should really get back to that and see where it goes.